weitingmichellegoh#

2010-12-25T02:24:00.003+08:00

oh, i'm sorry that you couldn't make use of me this time round. didn't occur to you that maybe things weren't what they seem, yeah? don't worry, i'm prepared for a good show. i simply can't wait.

that aside,

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

let's see how merry this Christmas can get.

2010-12-23T01:25:00.006+08:00

a year has passed and i'm nowhere near the finishing line. fuck this, honestly. i just need to know: how much more do you have to take before you actually stop to receive karma?

"This is your world. Shape it or someone else will."

i guess, i've lost that ability, some years back.

2010-12-22T02:25:00.001+08:00

what did i just do.

2010-12-21T02:43:00.006+08:00

What exactly am I afraid of, I don't really know. I just believe that this time round, I can't make the same mistake as the last. And because I'm afraid of making the same mistake, I think we will never make it past the first step. This air of familiarity kills me. This hint of repetition tortures me. Everything seems to be on replay mode. So I remind myself every single day to press the stop button before anyone gets hurt. I do not wish to take a step forward, for it is my fears that binds me to the same spot I'm standing on. People around me need not be hurt and I should not hurt those that care. I guess I'm not going anywhere till my heart tells me to. In the meantime, I believe remaining where I am is the only/best destination. I'm sorry, but I have every reason to be afraid and you've every right to call me a coward.

I knew, I would never walk out of it somehow or another.

2010-12-19T00:53:00.002+08:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHHAHA

THIS. HAS. GOT. TO. BE. THE. BIGGEST. JOKE. OF. THE. YEAR.

you're seriously kidding me. like what the fuck.

2010-12-17T22:14:00.002+08:00

(c)http://leilockheart.me

yes yes, indeed.

2010-12-16T21:57:00.001+08:00

love it

2010-12-16T19:16:00.007+08:00

http://toinfinityanddbeyond.tumblr.com/

2010-12-15T00:00:00.004+08:00

my sentiments, exactly.

I JUST FOUND SOMEONE WHO HATED JUNIOR COLLEGE LIFE AS MUCH AS I DID. THIS FEELS SO GOOD, IT'S LIKE LOCATING A LONG LOST SISTER. LOVE LOVE. HAHAHAH, I SWEAR HANNAH TAY IS HILARIOUS AND ENTERTAINING. I NEED MORE HONEST AND DIRECT PEOPLE IN MY LIFE. HELL TO JUNIOR COLLEGE AND SUPERFICIAL BEINGS THAT SPROUTED FROM IT.

i'm rotting my life away cause i'm extremely broke. i need money and hence, i need a job but i've neither. my only form of entertainment is HONG KONG DRAMAS. i wish to migrate to Hong Kong when i graduate. i know you think i'm being fickle, but the brain's mine so what can you do about it huh? at least i've got my life all planned out, so yeah shut up. anyway, i feel rather angst now but i dont really know why. might be the side effects of drink 2 full cups of KOI. ohwell, life's mine what are you going to do about it huh? i want to buy a lot of stuff, but i'm broke, so all i can do is stare at pretty people wearing pretty clothes on tumblr and lookbook. it's aches, of course. one day, i will count money in my sleep. no, i'm not being materialistic, i'm just being in your face. how about that huh? ah life, you're really a joke~

i think it's about time everyone stop being so fake and superficial. stop trying to act like something we are not.

2010-12-13T01:34:00.013+08:00

Photo Journal #1

Concrete Jungle

'Just Follow Law'

Yearning

Getaway

Asia 6 Dragons?

Copy and Paste

Breathing Space

1868

Ponder

Lifeline

Black and White

Vertically Challenged

Beak Almighty

'Regardless of Race, Language or Religion'

2010-12-10T21:02:00.000+08:00

take 2.

2010-12-04T23:13:00.002+08:00

Daniel showed me this video and i was like: fuck, this world is full of talented people. SamTsui and ChristinaGrimmie's cover of Just A Dream is mindblowing, i swear. i literally had goosebumps when i watched the video. i dont know why, but there's this unspoken charm about the two singers in the video, their voices touch my heart and their presences captured me at the same time, especially ChristinaGrimme. personally, i think that's the highest level any performer can attain. i so freaking love this cover, people do listen to it. ohmygod, i need my daily dosage of it. and SamTsui is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G-L-Y talented. his Lady Gaga medley is WOAH. try searching for it on youtube, FABLOUS! really really. the first time i heard it on EH's ipod, i was like you're kidding me. i think there are so many talented people in this world, or should i say on the other side of the globe. yes, i get really inspired when i listen to covers done by people. some of them are simply marvellous, while others should get at least an A for effort(: i wish i had such awesome musical talent, but sadly i'm not really musically inclined. yes, sucks to be me. ohwell, in life you win some and you lose some, although it seems like i've been losing a lot. HAHAH. anyway, more awesome cover please(:

lovelove.

2010-11-30T01:16:00.007+08:00

i need help. i've two buffet outings on the same day, one for lunch and one for dinner. i do not know what to do. i'm going to balloon into a huge poofy monster with triple chins and a huge watermelon tummy. but i'm secretly looking forward to both gatherings! it's Great Eastern Bully-WeiTing-FTW Gang in the afternoon at Seoul Garden and the girls at Crystal Jade at night! but i think i'm really going to die tomorrow, how to eat 2 buffets with 4 and a half hours apart? then there's another buffet dinner on Thursday. OH MY GOD. ): 3 buffets in one week, i think i'm crazy.

today, i wasted my life away. i sat infront of the laptop from 2 till now watching The Simpsons, Family Guy and Criminal Minds. while doing so, i snacked my life away like there was no tomorrow. tomorrow, i.e. the 2 buffets and not tomorrow as in tomorrow. i planned to clean my room today, but then i just thought i have 5 weeks to do that, so screw it and hello, laptop. shit, i need to have some discipline. i want to finalise my room design, it's almost done, i just need to do some touch up here and there. i need to go Ikea and Spotlight, but money doesnt need me. thankgod tuition is starting on Thursday. i was thinking of working for a month. i want to work at a childcare and play with kids all day long. i like kids a lot. i like them because they are simple. they dont lie, they dont betray and they dont hate. they are like your ticket from reality sometimes. most importantly, they are the cutest thing ever(: sadly, i have limits for kids, once they hit 7 years old, they kinda become my worst enemy, e.g. Eugenegoh. HAHAHA.

i want to, i need to and i wish to SHOP. yes, i cant wait to spend my $50 Zara voucher from LLBBBDD(: thankyou guys! that voucher has been one of my exams motivation. i saw a lot of nice stuff at Pull and Bear, so i cant wait to go there too! online shopping is kinda a wet blanket because most of the stuff i like are always sold out. i have this thing for big flowy tops, so i have loads of them. basically, i think they are comfortable and pleasing to the eyes. i dont get why some people dare to wear tight tops when their figure doesnt allow them to do so. dont they feel insecure? in actual fact, i do admire them to a certain extent. i'm too conscious about how people perceive me on the outside. sometimes, it's quite a burden to dress to your heart's desire. ohwell.

cant wait to start vocal lessons with laoshi again. i honestly think that my vocal talent is zero, it's non existence, but i believe in hard work. to me, that's good enough. i dont know where i'm going with this, but i do know this is what i want to do with my life. let's just look on the positive side and tell myself that at least i'm enjoying myself, yeah? i'm still suffering from filiming withdrawal symptoms. HAHA. saw some of the photos on Facebook and my face just lit up. fond memories, i get very little of those, so can you imagine how much i enjoyed myself?

my mum said i look like an ah lian in this photo. HAHAH. i agree):

i realised that i move on better when i pushed things completely out of my life. i know it's destructive, i know it's unhealthy but at least, it's working for me. my mum doesnt think i will continue staying this way, but i think i will. i'm just glad i got these two horrible things out of my life. i'm missing huge chunks of my life now, a huge chunk off the family portion and a huge chunk off the friends portion, but i think they are both chunks i would gladly live without. i wouldnt blame those people who have compelled me to this state, because it's all a personal choice. i just dont see the need to put myself in vulnerable situations anymore because, i'm better than that! most importantly, i dont blame people for not warning me about the consequences of my actions because i have a brain. i think on my own feet. choices, decisions and consequences.

my hair is purple and long now, i like(:

cant wait for May and gang to have steamboat at my place. i know i keep repeating this, but i actually havent organised anything yet. HAHA.

i need to sleep because i need energy for tomorrow's buffet expeditions. goodnight, and dont blame other people if you end up having a nightmare okay? because it's all in YOUR OWN MIND, that is if you have a brain.

2010-11-28T23:58:00.005+08:00

today was truly an experience that i will never forget. i know i'm known for being a drama-mama, but honestly today is going to be one of those experiences that i'm gonna carry to my grave. HAHA. filming was a mind blowing experience because it felt so REAL. it's like being a superstar for a day. it was a filming set with lights, camera and anything and everything you can imagine. when i first stepped into the set, i was like: 'WOAH, YOU'RE KIDDING ME.' then when filming officially started i was like: 'FUCK, THIS MUST BE MY GOOD KARMA'. hahahah. anyway, i'm so blessed and grateful to be given this opportunity to act in the film and to meet a bunch of professional and caring people. HAHAHA, caring sounds cheesy, but i cant find another word to describe them. i swear my welfare was so well taken care of, i almost thought i was a real actress with a nanny. HAHAHA. i was constantly fed water and offered food. it made me feel so touched and motivated to put up a better show. the set was really, extremely hot because of the lights, but i was so happy, it didnt even bother me at all. the lights, the camera and the set were so overwhelming, but i felt comfortable nonetheless. everything was just so perfect in my eyes and so incredible, i cant put them into simpler words. i want to relive every single moment. in fact when they told me my shots were all completed, i couldnt bear to leave. HAHA. i just dont want to forget today. somehow, i cant believe that i've been given the chance. it feels too good to be true. it feels surreal. but no matter what, thank you so much for giving me this opportunity to pursue my passion to a higher level. you cannot imagine how grateful i'm to be given this opportunity. i may never be able to accomplish my dream, but now i'm proud to say that at least i had a taste of what it felt like being an 'actress'. (': if i could do this for the rest of my life, i would say yes without any hestitation. i really want to do this for the rest of my life): cant wait to see the end product.

my mum is a very honest lady. yesterday she asked me why i was the only actor who went for rehearsal and when i told her that i was the lead, she stared at me in utter disbelief for 3 seconds before she continued cutting her mushrooms in silence. ): my mum has no faith in me): then when i told her that maybe i should just stick to acting and stop trying to pursue so many things at the same time, she said: 'yes, you can't sing just stick to acting. btw, has your dancing improved?' ouch, but she's right luh. HAHAHAHA.

I'M A HAPPY GIRL((:

2010-11-26T23:44:00.002+08:00

and yes, it is finally over(: i think my first semester in university wasnt too bad afterall. sometimes, i wonder if it's cause juniorcollege was just so awful, that anything else would have been better. then i realised, it's actually the people you meet in university that makes it work for you, so i guess it has nothing to do with juniorcollege. i think i made the best decision of turning up for Oweek, although i didnt enjoyed myself at all. HAHA, joke.

i realised that friendship exists in the best state with a certain distance. i used to think that friendships are the strongest and most sincere when people go through hell together. i thought seeing people in their 'raw' state was a direct method to forge bonds. ohwell, i guess i was wrong all this while. the bottomline is, you just cant force a group of people to be together if their mindsets and values are poles apart. friction are bound to occur, nasty things happen and friendship turns ugly. people come together, because they simply want to busk in each other's company. hmmm.

i'm so glad i decided to go for audition in the end. it was raining heavily and i wanted to carry on with mugging in school, but thank god i went. and here's the coolest thing, i'm actually getting paid for acting, omgwthbbq. HAHA, miracles do happen, dont they? i'm really anticipating this opportunity. i dont know what's in store, but as long as an opportunity comes my way, i will grab it. HAHA. somehow, they sound really professional, and it just adds to my excitement. -jumps around the room. hope this weekend would truly be an eye opener(:

results are gonna be released on the 21st of December and i'm SCARED :S i dont know, this whole exams experience has been kinda like a daze. wake up, study, go to school, take exams and continue studying. everything is just speeding by, like zoom zoom zoom. after 5 papers, i'm starting to enjoy writing essays. HAHAHA. okay, i wanted to apply for a transfer of facutly initially, cause i thought of my prospects and i kinda freaked out. BUT, i think i'm staying put in FASS because i think it's more important to do what you truly enjoy. i think i had enough of mistaken choices in juniorcollege. i need to get my life right and i will(: do something you like and score in it. i swear i will never force myself to do anything for the sake of accomplishing it. in fact, no one should. i'm not in a position to preach, but yes follow your heart and live with no regrets.

okay, so i'm getting really excited about my 5 weeks break(: i cannot wait to travel around Singapore alone and take loads of photos! okay, damn loner but yeah. i think me-time and personal space are crucial part of my life. i need both of them in order to function properly. yay(: singing and dance lessons are going to start again too. yes, i'm fucking excited, i think i'm going to sleep so tomorrow will come faster. HEH HEH. not before an episode of Family Guy. yes, i'm hooked onto Family Guy but i prefer The Simpsons.

today, i brought my cousin to NTUC to get sweets for her, i'm such a sweet girl. that's beside the point, the point is, there were 2 freaking magpies in the NTUC. what the fuck, like birds in a supermarket. first, you get them in the coffeeshops and now, super markets? i swear they are going to take over the world soon. btw, the NTUC branch was in the basement. BASEMENT. i dont understand and dont want to know. what the hell.

argh, crap. i hate this feeling.

-

2010-11-26T00:27:00.002+08:00

how do you u-turn on an one way street? there's no turning back, is there?

one more paper, and my life would be awesome(: yes, hang in there!

2010-11-24T22:25:00.002+08:00

sometimes, i just find you so near and yet, so far. what's going to happen after this? so what do i say now? this is some sort of awesome, but full of mistakes.

2010-11-23T15:20:00.003+08:00

quoted from my Psychology textbook: 'matching effect: we are most likely to have a partner whose level of physical attractivenes is similar to our own'.

OH I SEE.

ps: hello May and gang. come to my house for steamboat after exams alright? my kid brother just got a Wii! say Wheeeee(: yes, steamboat and Wii ftw luh! and of course danghoon and abalone clams. annyeong.

NEED TO STUDY. FMYLIFE.

2010-11-22T21:12:00.000+08:00

thankyou for giving me such caring and awesome friends, really thankyou.

2010-11-21T00:36:00.002+08:00

~~you shouldn't have taken me for a ride.~~
no, live the moment(:

2010-11-18T19:25:00.003+08:00

Dear Psychology,

I'm writing a letter to you.

You're a bitch. I fucking hate you. I do not understand you, although I wished I did. You weren't as awesome as I thought you would be. The fact that I'm only interested in Abnormal Psychology makes this 10 times harder. All in all, you make my awesome life so damn difficult. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be getting a migraine and impending panic attack now. Life would be a breeze to a certain extent. Why can't you be like Political Science? Interesting and comprehensible. I've come to a decision, I no longer want to major in you. Goodbye and get out of my life.

XOXO,
A Student.

2010-11-15T23:16:00.003+08:00

I THINK I'M GOING CRAZY. MAYBE, I ALREADY AM CRAZY. I THINK I'M CRAZY BECAUSE I'M CRAZY. I'M CRAZY BECAUSE I FIND IT SO DIFFICULT TO BREATHE NOWADAYS. I'M CRAZY BECAUSE YOU MADE ME GO CRAZY. THIS IS CRAZY. YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY. I WANT TO BE CRAZY. WHERE ARE YOU CRAZY. I CANNOT BREATHE, CRAZY. CRAZY PEOPLE LIKE YOU GUYS SHOULD JUST GO AND FUCK YOURSELF. I'M NOT AS CRAZY AS YOU GUY THOUGH. THE PSYCHOLOGY TEXTBOOK MAKES ME CRAZY. END YEARS MAKE ME CRAZY. YOU MADE ME CRAZY. WHERE ARE YOU CRAZY. WHERE ARE YOU. I WANT TO DO WELL, BUT THAT'S JUST A CRAZY THOUGHT. I WANT TO KNOW YOU, BUT THAT'S ANOTHER CRAZY THOUGHT TOO. I WANT KARMA TO BEFALL ON YOU, BUT CRAZY DOESNT DESCRIBE THIS CORRECTLY. OKAY, I'M SO STRESSED, IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY. HOW CAN I DO WELL, I'M CRAZY. FMYCRAZYLIFE. ONE DAY, I WILL FIND YOU MY CRAZY. LOVE LOVE, CRAZY. ONE DAY, WE WILL MEET ON THE STREETS AND I WILL NO LONGER BE CRAZY. FOR NOW, I'M NOT CRAZY FOR YOU, I'M JUST CRAZY OVER MY EXAMS. GOH WEI TING IS CRAZY, VERY.

2010-11-14T00:34:00.005+08:00

hello Eugenegoh, you were the cutest baby brother any sister could ask for. although, you're really irritating and disturbing nowadays, i believe you're just growing up. i know you had it the hard way, but don't worry, i will make it up to you. love.

this is indeed a small world. the world revolves in such an intriguing manner where things unfold in the most miraculous ways. i don't know what made me ask him about it, but i'm glad i did. may i say that this is too good to be true? or am i just being foolish? nevertheless, i'm still in a state of shock and maybe, excitement. but the bottomline still remains, what the fuck is wrong with you, GOH WEI TING. -fingers crossed.

btw, ~~I OFFICIALLY HATE PSYCHOLOGY.~~ this is not good at all.

because i tore the wound open.

2010-11-13T01:56:00.003+08:00

today, something extraordinary happened. it's amazing how a stranger can make your day in the simplest way. i really wished i remembered your name, but i can't recall a single thing other then our conversations. i guess i was just too judgemental and now, all i'm left with is this lingering regret. i wished i knew your motive for approaching me. but, who am i anyway? i bet your dont remember my name either. ohwell, nevertheless it was nice talking to you.

hmmm, you're so distracting and this is so wrong.

GOH WEI TING, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU.

2010-11-05T00:04:00.003+08:00

i cannot wait for endyears to come and go! there are so many things to do after exams, so excited. university holidays are good, cause you dont really know what you're going to take next semester, so you dont have the obligation to revise during the holidays. so yes, the holidays would just be dedicated for leisure and leisure(: i'm not exactly excited, but anything would be preferred to the state i'm in now. i'm not in a bad state, but just a little under stress, a little. just because it's semester one, it really doesnt give anyone the excuse to mess up their grades. plus i've decided to go ahead and submit my application soon, so i figured my grades would matter quite a bit. i dont know, it just seem like the correct thing to do although i truly enjoy what i'm doing now. all of i'm going to say is, i want a good life in the future and i believe this would be the key to it. but, given that the chances of success is low, i guess i need to prepare myself for the worst.

it's funny how 2 years of your life in juniorcollege can determine the path of your future in the correct/wrong track. i wouldnt wish that i've studied harder, rather i wish i had made the correct choices back then. you really shouldnt compel yourself into doing things you dont even enjoy. yes, it was indeed a wonderful experience but it wasnt me. to put it simply, loss was far greater than gain, hence i wish i've knew better. what i'm trying to say is that, theatre studies was a correct choice instead. well, now i know.

Saturday's dinner was awesome(: we went to May's house for steamboat dinner. her house is like ohmygod WHITE and and her cat is so well behaved, it truly amazes me. i mean, i really dislike animals, so for me to like her cat, i think it's amazing. Weijie has issues. we were eating happily when May found an egg with the shell still intact and not cracked, in the steamboat. apparently, Weijie left the egg inside the steamboat because he wanted to eat hard boiled egg. ohmygod, i swear that moment was epic. we just couldnt stop laughing after that, it's still hilarious even thinking about it now. Weijie, you are so full of win. the dinner was full of danghoon and abalone baby. like ALOT. we just kept adding danghoon and it just kept sucking up the soup. at one point, the steamboat just looked like a pile of goo. HAHAHAHA. and we had so many abalone babies, i think i ate my share for Chinese New Year. May was awesome, i told her i wanted tomyum soup and she actually cooked a seperate pot of spicy soup for me. May, you are so wonderful, you make me wanna cry)': i find it amazing how some guys have really amazing complexion despite being in NS. stupid Sam has the nicest complexion and it makes me boil with jealousy. he said the skin doctor near his house does wonders, and hence his face. maybe i should go and check it out. this is so unfair, i want milky and clear skin too): what is this! okay, need to stop praising him for his head will swell and his ego will inflate. anyway, i think it was really sweet of May to drive us home after dinner. she lives so goddamnfar from my house, i felt bad getting her to send me home luh. May is really a very steady driver(: everything was awesome other than her u-turn. HAHAHAH. but it's okay, if i were to starting driving, i think i would be an ultimate road hazard to Singapore. hello guys, after endyears, come my house for steamboat, yeah? danghoon and abalone babies ftw(: but no more hard boiled egg, yeah?

yesterday, i asked my brother if penguins could fly. i think i have really failed as a sister. i'm so sorry. HAHAHAHAH. yeah, i knew the answer but during OG dinner yesterday, they kept confusing me. it's okay now i know, PENGUIN CANNOT FLY, damnit.

I CANT WAIT TO GET MY MACBOOK PRO. went studying with Xiaowei on Tuesday and she lent me her MACBOOK PRO. i swear, that thing is a cross between amazing and awesomeness. most importantly, it's FAST. like zoom zoom zoom. my mum said she will get it for me during the December holidays, i'm so happy i'm going to cry. )': yes, i find it so much more efficient to type notes during lecture cause i will miss out important facts when i write. goodbye my pink and overweight laptop, Eugenegoh will take good care of you(:

political sciene essay was awful. i've learnt my lesson, never ever do last minute work. but come to think of it, you cant really blame me. i had assignments back to back since week 11. i did start early, there just wasnt enough time to begin with. i will never pile all my projects to the end of the semester anymore)': well, at least that's over. all that's left is a set design assignment and group piece for theatre studies(: theatre studies makes me happy. so glad i decided to take it in the end. NO REGRETS. my theatre studies tutor marks like B, i swear when i saw my marked essay, i broke out in cold sweat, cause the marking style was so B. it was in pencil and he wrote good or ok at the end of each idea, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT BRASSINGTON DOES. wtfggttm. but my tutor is really nice and he actually teaches, so i'm fine with that(: TS!
okay, need to study.
(: really, truly cannot wait!

2010-10-29T23:58:00.006+08:00

hmmm. i really want to speak my mind here. i really want to tell people how horribly you've ruined us. but i dont have the guts to do so. i'm a coward. i dont dare to speak my mind because i know there are bound to be people judging me. but, i really have plenty of things to say. i have loads of issues that i would love to bring up. so yes, whatever, i'm gonna speak my mind. here goes:

I can't comprehend you. In my opinion, I believe that you've serious issues and that's why nobody never gets to know much about you. You choose to pry into people's personal life, so no one will have the time to take a peek into yours. Maybe you feel vulnerable? Maybe you feel as if you can't step out of your own shadow? With all due respect, there's nothing wrong with that. I suppose, that's how you 'protect' yourself. I always believed that different people have different defence mechanism, just that yours is at the expense of others' privacy. It's fine, i guess, since people always desire to have a listening ear at one point of time in their lives when they're lost and helpless. However, it all goes wrong when you used that defence mechanism of yours to hurt people. I'm not saying that you did it intentionally, but so long as it has happened, it happened. In my view, that's all that counts.

Having committed a mistake, it takes time to right your wrong. Some people take longer than others, while some have the ability to correct their mistakes in a matter of days. Thus, it all boils down to how you deal with the problem after it has occurred. Hence, how one deals with the aftermath of one's actions matters the most. The way in which you've dealt with your mistake screams insecurity. I really can't figure out why is it so difficult for you to face me such that you had to bring this level of unspoken awkwardness to everyone. I want to make this clear to everyone, I have never ever prevented anyone from turning for any get togethers because I believe that what has happened was a personal incident involving us and hence, everyone else should not be involved. It should not affect them and it isnt fair that it has. I can't define the extent of the influence, but honestly, ask yourself, some things just can't be the same anymore and why is that so? Some incidents have indicated abnormalities that never happened in those two years when we were together as a family, so why did they occur now? If examples could convince your mind, I would love to raise them, but this is a sensitive issue and hence, my silence is at your convenience. I have no rights to say if it's your guilty conscience at play or is it your insecurities toying with your heart. However, I do know that your actions have resulted in unneccessary implications. I'm fine with anything that you choose to do, just as long as you don't affect me and us. But sadly, you have. However, like I've said, examples would only be at your expenses.

Then, something happened. It seemed as if you've sorted out your thoughts and decided to appear suddenly. It would have been a normal and non awkward occassion if you didn't attempt to announce your impending arrival via text messaging and Facebook. Those mushy how you missed us texts were utterly redundant, because if you've missed us why not just turn up, no one was stopping you. By doing so, it just amplified the awkwardness to a new volume. I guess that just accounts further for your insecurities, fair enough. Everyone needs an outlet for their insecurities right? Although the occassion was awkward as hell, everything went on smoothly until your courting process had to be put on the big screen. Since when was this a family affair? To think that I was expecting a touching video recount of our 2 years together as a batch. What greeted me was not a pleasant sight.

Then you disappeared from the surface of the Earth again, which didn't really bother me as long as people didn't view your disappearance as my responsibilty. May I clarity something? You can't really celebrate the birthday of someone who rejected your offer in less than 3 minutes the text message was sent out. I mean, like I've mentioned above, I draw a clear line between personal and family. I may not be able to communicate with you, but I will not exclude you from anything because that's basic principle. We are a family and we function like one. Clear and simple. However, it's rather unfortunate that your friend failed to understand that concept as well. The most ironic thing of all was that she was a firm enforcer of it in those two years. Family? I guess we were not enough to qualify ourselves as her friends. Then came the excuse that it was an outing to plan bigger ones. May I ask, so what exactly has been planned? A trip to USA for us, maybe? Anytime, baby. However, what infuriated me the most, was the fact that she put the blame on someone else. She blamed others for not warning her about the consequences of her actions. I suppose she really doesn't have a brain to generate thoughts and hence, other people become responsible for her actions. I wonder if I should remove my brain too. The worst kind of people are those that shuns from their mistakes. Utterly disgusting. This is some warped theory, I must say. It's like defacating and forgetting to clean your butt, and blaming others for not reminding you to clean it. Why do you have to go blaming people for the mistakes you've made? Just admit you are wrong and stop the the influx of lame excuses.

To sum up, I'm well aware of the consequences of typing this passage. It took me 4 days to think it over, before I had the guts to click 'Publish Post'. This was what I thought to myself; there's really nothing to lose because you can't lose something you don't even have in the first place. I don't think I would be able to face anyone soon as they will just perceived me as a bitch, but this beats cramping everything in that heart of mine. I feel liberated after speaking my mind. No regrets. I really, truly and sincerely rest my case.

Goodbye,
and thanks for the memories(':

2010-10-21T00:32:00.006+08:00

maybe it isnt right to appear strong and fearless when you're not. because i was sick and tired of being known as the emotional wreck, being that girl with such a low EQ, being the bitch that cant let go, i thought keeping my feelings to myself was the best way to go about doing things from now on. i didnt want to be a burden to anyone, anymore. i didnt dare to trust anyone, anymore. so i thought if i kept quiet and stayed positive, i was eventually going to be fine. yes, it worked out great initially, i was truly happy for the first time since JC started and whatever unhappiness that came along just got buried deep in my heart. it seems as if my coping mechanism had matured and i was rocking my life. i didnt allow myself to feel disappointment, i didnt allow myself to feel any hurt. once i saw those emotions coming, i channelled them away. but, little did i know that these emotions dont eventually disappear even if you've directed them away. they just accumulate as more and more unhappiness get cramped into that secret corner in my heart. well, that corner has limited capactity and i should've known better. right now, everything is engulfing me at once and the hurt has snowballed into something so painful, my heart literally aches. i cant fucking stop tearing. fuck. all this time, i was trying to be someone that i'm not. trying to stay strong and mature, but who am i kidding? this isnt me, is it? i fucking hate this person who i'm trying to be now. i used to speak my mind so openly and now, i dont even dare to open my fucking mouth to show my disapproval. i just let my friends do the job for me. fuck. this isnt who i want to be, this is who people wants me to be. fuck. you know, i rather let my emotions run wild on a daily basis, rather than go through what i'm experiencing now. in the past two years, because of the nature of the CCA, i've became so judgemental of myself. i felt as if i was under the watchful eyes of everyone. whenever someone wanted to preach, i was their number one target. so many people in that CCA has preached to me, it's as if i'm a sinner of all evil. and after each preaching session, i hate myself a little more than the day before. now i've become so fucking cautious of being myself, it hurts to be myself. i really hate myself. in fact, i still feel this way. and because i still feel this way, i thought changing myself might make me happier. and people will finally stop preaching to me, stop trying to correct Wei Ting and start leaving me alone. i used to tell myself, it's because they care that's why they bother to criticise you, that's why they bother to spend the time to right your wrongs. however, after all that has happened, i dont know what to think anymore. i've tried being happy and positive for the past few months but how come it has made me feel even worse instead? i feel so useless, lost and disgusted with myself. i just want to disappear and stop being a nuisance to everyone. i'm really sorry i even existed in your lives. and at this instance, you may stop judging me.

i guess it's really going to be a while before we meet again. goodbye. no, i'm not referring to the blog.

2010-10-16T01:21:00.004+08:00

yes, i, gohweiting, really took these photos, no joke. i know you cant believe, but yes, i took them alright.

the last photo is madlove. i miss. hahah, nope i'm not referring to Sikkim. i miss photography, a lot. in Cedar, i used to feel embarrassed of the fact that i was from Media Club. i used to think, " What's so cool about photography?" then i will always compare myself to Yanyi and Sharron, who are in the ever so zai, NPCC. yeah, those were the childish days. but you know what, i really miss it now. i miss the days when we were given a camera and we would walk around Singapore taking photos with Mr Chua. taking everything and anything that we see. i think photographs are such powerful form of communication. it's silent and yet, emotive. it's cathartic. the other day Eugenia was at my house and she showed me this website of a super talented girl who took beautiful photos. beautiful is actually an understatement. i got so inspired, i told myself i had to start again and Elias is going to lend me his DSLR, so yipeee! yesyes, cant wait for endyears to be over so that i can explore Singapore(: hope one day i will have the chance to upload beautiful photographs onto my blog. do anticipate. and yes, i'm going to save up for a DSLR, but i'm afraid i'm going to take years. crapzxzxz.

i like to celebrate people's birthday, but i hate it when my birthday arrives. i really hate it. i feel so fucking upset and insecure now/: what's wrong with me. so what if i'm turning 20 in 2 days time? damnit. hate myself so much.

because when an opportunity comes knocking, it wouldnt even take me a split second to say 'yes'.

2010-10-05T18:23:00.003+08:00

this post is not worth reading.

the wireless connection at Starbuck is awesome but nothing beats the aircondition here. my fingers are stiffed cause it's just so COLD.

anyway, Lyana is currently sitting opposite me studying (according to her, she doesnt mug, she studies) and i'm slacking. ohmygod. no luh, i'm suppose to do my theatre critique, but i cant cause i didnt bring a book out. so i have nothing to do but, i plan to stay up late to finish my critique. another long night, again. i fear for my health and i dont want to die early. it's just for one night, i guess.

hmmm, suddenly i feel really overwhelmed by schoolwork): this feeling seems so familiar, but i wont let history repeat itself. i will stay strong(: yesyes.

i'm spending too much money, online shopping is sinful. ohcrap, i'm gonna have 5 tops and 1 dress mailed to house this week and maybe next week. i think my grandpa is going to skin me alive and put me in his soup soon. i'm scared.

i like Co-Ed. 2 years ago, i told Yanyi: i think the next big time in Korea would be a mixed group and i would be in. HAHAHAHA, i was half correct. okay, not funny.

okay, we are going for dinner now(: then we have DANCE! yippeee.
-munch munch.

PS: no one speaks, no one retort, for the first to open their mouth, loses.
i dont want to be a loser anymore.

2010-10-03T23:52:00.003+08:00

i dont know why, but sometime i feel that The Simpsons is my escape from reality.

2010-10-03T21:58:00.003+08:00

hello.

i didnt know that our nails grew from the bottom, i always thought our nails grew from the top. i thought the white part was the portion that is growing. when the gap between the bottom of my nail and my finger becomes bigger, i always thought it was because i was using a lousy nail polish. ohmygod, i am a noob.

(: today was an awesome day out. met Jelynn and Charlene to hang out and chill in town. we did our nails and i like my nail colour now. it's like gothic and classy at the same time(: heh heh. i spent alot of money BUT, i bought stuff i needed. honestly. my school bag was falling apart, one side of my earphones doesnt work anymore, i have no shorts to wear to school and i needed to fulfill my current ring obsession. HAHAHA, fair enough? i feel so happy cause i finally got the things, i badly need. sadly, i cant use them tomorrow cause it's e-learning week. damn! oh, i need a laptop case urgently, but cheap ones are hideous and pretty ones are over my budget. i hinting my mum to get me one, HAHAH. but $60 for a laptop case, hmmm, i will think about it. i'm glad that my university friends are not just people who i go to lecture with((:

annyeong!

2010-10-02T15:55:00.010+08:00

doesnt the nature just amaze you? one day, i will travel the world and capture these wonders with a DSLR. i want to explore many, many national parks in the world and embrace the great outdoors, my way. (emphasis would be on, my way, italic, bold and underlined). i want to see the world(: i really do.

yes, finally a chance to. take. a. breather. phew, given the fact that i only had one midterms, i shouldnt make so much noise luh. but yes, i do feel suffocated, very much. 50% is settled for Psychology module, and i'm really worried. without a minimun B-, i cant major and that would be bad news): i do have a backup plan though. but it might mean that i can no longer have the chance to study criminals and understand their minds. hmmm. i dont know, we shall see.

sadly, the whole of my next week is packed to the brim again. ohcrap. so many projects and essays to rush out, university life is definitely starting to get hectic. CHICKEN NUT BREAD luh. i just wish i lived nearer to school, cause that's the only thing i detest about school. actually, i dont spend a lot of time in school. HAHAHA. my timetable is pretty awesome, except for Thursdays. heh heh. i really love doing Theatre Studies in university, it's so professional and i feel as if i'm in good hands. it's feel safe to pursue my passion for once in my life. (: Eugenia and i are presenting a duolouge next week, i'm kinda happy i get to act again(: yippeee.

my student was so funny today. i forgot how child-like secondary school kids can be.
S: what's one thing that you want in this world?
Me: (without hesitation) money.
S: no no, something else.
Me: hmmm, i want a chance to perform.
S: perform what?
Me: i dont know, act, sing and dance?
S: oh, DANCE LIKE STEP UP IS IT?
Me: ... i didnt watch the movie.
S: which one is you? orh, the girl in red ah? or the other girl? which want you want to be?
Me: (speechless)

hahahah, i dont know how to explain it, but it just seems so child like. like how when i was a kid, i would ask my friends, 'eh, let's play power rangers, which one you want to be?' 'i want to be pink/red/blue/yellow/green ranger!' that kinda thing. i find it amusing how when we were kids, we wanted the whole world, only to grow up to learn that the whole world is nothing but a fragment of our imagination.

i have to say this, i love dancing. learning dance twice a week is such a treat to me(: that feeling is just so fulfilling. there are regrets. i should have started earlier, i should have disregarded everything and just follow my passion. ohwell, it's too late to say anything now, hmmm, 19years old isnt all that old right? HAHAHA. who am i kidding right? ohcrap. and i cant learning singing from laoshi anymore, cause i have no moolah. HAHAHA, i'm going to tell him that i will be back in a year's time. anyway, it's okay luh, i think my schedule is pretty pack now, so i kinda need to take things slow. honestly, as much as i enjoy teaching tuition sometimes, i cant wait for it to end. end, as in not get fired, but rather rest while their exams are over. i need a break, damnit. i want to go Hongkong! heh heh. i miss Hongkong like xyz. i want to migrate there.

today i held my brother hands. suddenly, he gripped my hands super tightly. i turned and look at him. he said: 'i just farted'. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. say whut?! idiot.

okay, i'm going back to The Simpsons(: i dont know why, Homer makes me happy. his stupidity makes me feel hopeful.

ps; because the silence kills.

2010-09-28T00:17:00.003+08:00

yes, Psychology Midterms is over. okay, there's still the essay that's due on Friday but i've decided to slack for the day. i'm currently busking in the enjoyment of Choco-Mint ice cream, Doritos chips and a Hongkong TVB drama. i feel at peace with myself.

okay, the paper was horrid, every term looked so familiar and friendly, but nothing rang a bell. i say awesome. but it's okay, i'm prepared to flunk this paper, i guess i will just have to try harder for endyears. i've 80% to make a difference and if, i want to major in Psychology, i need to make a big big big difference. yes, i will work harder then(: i think the reason why i'm no longer productive when i study is because of my sleep cycle. note to self: please start functioning like a normal human. yes, i will. for the past 6 nights i've been sleeping at 4am and waking up at 11am. not at all healthy, i must say. according to Jelynn, i've even lost weight. awesome luh. so i will most probably be reduced to a bag of bones when i mug for end year. do anticipate.

i wish i had soft and smooth hair, then i will have the guts to cut and keep it short. i dont like having long hair because the whole world has long hair. And a lot of people have told me i look better in short hair. in fact, only Yanyi and my mum think that i should grow my hair long. Jelynn said i should cut my hair short because i have an edgy face. HAHAHAH, what's an edgy face? nevermind, i shall take it as a compliment nonetheless. i get really irritated when people tell me, 'guys prefer their girlfriends to have long hair.' i think that's really a superficial reason. i mean, doesnt that mean that your boyfriend is judging you too? if he likes long hair so much, you might as well ask him to date a wig. girls should never conform to such stupid reasons. losing oneself in the process of a relationship is the most pitiful thing that can happen to anyone. well, when the relationship ends (touch wood, if i must), all that's left is this hollow shell that even you dont regconise. that's painful, very. anyway, so i've decided to keep my hair long so that i dont have to constantly rebond my hair and i kinda want to know what it feels like to have long hair for once. i've never had my hair length beyond my shoulders. but the problem is, my hair is growing at the speed of my bank account. stagnant and if you take in the hair loss, depleting at times. pfft. nevermind, one day when i've the urge, i'm going to chop it all off again. do anticipate.

lyana said that my previous previous post wasnt obvious enough. hmmm, to put it short, THEY KNOW EVERYTHING. hope this helps, birds of the feather flocking together.

i think i have an awesome grandpa and because of him, i'm not going to apply for hall next semester. everytime i mention about staying in hall next semester, he gets really upset about it. he said i wouldnt be able to drink his home cooked soup if i moved away from home. then he bought big and fresh prawns just for me today! so sweet right? okay, so i decided to stay home and spend more time with my grandpa instead. and it's okay cause one day, i will get a chauffeur. HAHAHA.

i want to drink KOI.

eh BW. ni hen awesome. thanks for agreeing with me. your texts were so funny. HAHAHA. it's so hilarious and comforting at the same time. but can you stop typing the word 'shame' in Chinese, my mind will slow down 30 seconds just to process the words. aww. ni shi hao ren(: YY, dont jealous! your turn will come soon. HAHAHAHHA. agree with me more, and i will proclaim my undying love for you.

yes, LLBBBDD sleepover at Pulau NTU next Thursday. i. cannot. wait(: apparently, i'm suppose to have my first mini concert on my birthday. my concert would be called:

WEITING'S SUPER SOLO CONCERT 2010

HAHAHAH. the theme is (you've guessed it) KPOP and my fanclub balloon is baby pink. awww. due to space constraints, i've limited the concert seats to just, FIVE. Lyana is suppose to be the main organizer but, i havent heard a thing from her yet. HAHHAHAHA. crap. i've already started rehearsals. see, i've so committed.

i need $3.2k to fulfill my dream. damnit. boohoo. no money no dream, so effing realistic.

yes, after mixing Doritos and Chocomint, my tummy feels funny as hell. crap.

goodnight everyone(:

PS; I ADORE HOMER SIMPSON(: HAHAHAHAH. BUT I STILL WANT TO MARRY PARK JUNG MIN. ((:

2010-09-23T01:45:00.001+08:00

yes, i've found an awesome singing partner(: i like our chorus! if not for the fact that i was mugging, i swear this post would be flooded with videos. yes, a lot a lot.

anyway, i'm back from NTU! hahahah. i swear, the place is indeed isolated. like ohmygod, i was in ultimate awe when i reached there. it's like playing Virtual Villagers. it's like a community on its own! okay, i mugged till 5 am yesterday but nothing went in. like fmylife. all of them were asleep and i was mugging, so sad right? i was more productive on the way back home then in their room. crap, i'm so stressed over psychology midterms. :(( okay, i secretly like the hall in NTU, so homey and all(: awww. i shall go there again next week! HAHAHAH.

we sent Mandy off at the airport just now): no, we shant be sad for it's going to be a new chapter in her life and we should be happy for her(: YES! i think it was really sweet of Chester and Boonyew for turning up. i actually texted Chester: 'T3 Arrival Hall 1015.' awesome, that became the joke of the night. yes, you send people off at the Arrival Hall. oops. it's amazing how quickly time passes by. last year, at this time, we were still trying to make ends meet with our results, well i was luh and now, look at where we're now(: awesome and yet, suffocating at times. ohwell, life never fails to amaze me. and, i think Chester was damn funny. he said: 'knn, the moustache one?' HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, i couldnt stop laughing.

i love watching THE SIMPSONS. it's so retarded, i dont need my brain to understand it. i will retarded humor(: it makes me laugh for the stupidest reasons. yes, everybody, join me and watch THE SIMPSONS! and of course, CRIMINAL MINDS SEASON 6! heh heh. premiers today in the US(: yay! in life, for every one thing that there is to be sad about, i will find 1o more things to be happy, grateful and thankful for. yes yes, now i've learnt positivity beats anything and everything(:

okay, i'm going to sleep and wake up early to chiong PSYCHOLOGY tomorrow! yesyes, i must do well. must can will!

goodnight(:

2010-09-16T23:03:00.003+08:00

i feel really blessed to have my mum. yesterday, i was giving tuition at Punggol, or should i call it Ulu Punggol. anyway, it was the new Punggol area and the place was really quiet at night cause most of the occupants have yet to move in. so i told her about it last week, and this week she actually came all the way down to Punggol to fetch me. yeah, you may think that that's no big deal, but the main point is, my mum doesnt drive. she actually took a cab down to my student's house and waited for me at the lift lobby. i was like, ohmygod touched. but i hate expressing my feelings openly, so i didnt say anything to her. i felt really touched because i knew she was really tired from work but yet, she insisted on making the trip down to Punggol because she was worried for my safety. there's a lot of things i want to say, but when it comes to my family, many things are better left unsaid. we thrive best in this comfortable and yet, silent understanding we have for one another. i might not have you in my life but, i still feel that i'm really blessed because i have my mum. and i suppose, that's all that matters(:

on Tuesday, Lyana and i went for dinner before dance. she told me something so shocking, i kept jumping up and down at United Square. embarrassing, i know. but the main point is, birds of a feather really flock together, you and your friend are like the same. okay, i'm not in the position to say anything else. HAHAHA.

today was ((: ohcrap!

2010-09-11T21:36:00.003+08:00

TODAY MY LAO SHI SAID MY SINGING IMPROVED. HE SAID MY PITCHING IS SO MUCH BETTER. OHMYGOD, FINALLY. I'M SO HAPPY, I'M GOING TO CRY.

(jumps around the room instead)

2010-09-11T02:12:00.001+08:00

The Simpsons makes me happy because it reminds me of my childhood. while everyone was watching HI-5 and purple dinosaur, i grew up watching The Simpsons(: i remember, every weeknights at 7pm. i would fight with my dad cause he would want to watch the news and i would want to watch the Simpsons! it kinda reminds me of how my brother 'fights' with my grandpa over the television nowadays. my grandpa would want to watch 爱 and my brother would want to watch his stupid-i-dont-know-what on Okto. obviously, i make sure my grandpa wins every single night((: poorkid.

come to think of it, i think the Simpsons isnt really suitable for kids my age back then because Marge and Homer were always getting naked together. shit, i sound sick. yeah, back then i didnt really get it, but yeah. hmmm. i want to watch The Simpsons again(: and i shall. MUHAHAHAHAHHA. damn, i miss my childhood:(

okay, ranting completed. annyeong(:

Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

2010-09-09T23:00:00.002+08:00

hello world.

i think travelling to school is really a bitch. the total amount of time i spend on travelling each day is approximately 3.5 hours. i get carsick if i study on the bus/MRT so normally, i just dont do anything. i literally sit there and stone for 3.5 hours.

3.5 hours to school on a SBS bus, mass rapid transit followed by another SBS bus = 3.5 hours to Hongkong on a SIA Airbus 380

yes, i go Hongkong everyday, except for Tuesdays and weekends. i'm a winner everyday(:

i think the family gathering on Sunday was an awesome success, surprisingly. like my extended family hardly had outings, so i was really shock when they wanted to book a function room and y'know, just get together. initially, i was really skeptical about it, i mean what if there were a lot of awkward silences and everyone just stares at everyone. okay, i was proven wrong as we were all bonded by a common topic. yes, adults can be very gossipy too and i swear facebook was the entertainer of the day(: awesome much! i officially think that my uncles and aunties are really funny. anyway, we came to this topic of marriage cause my cousin said that he wanted to get married at the age of 25 (crazy right?) the topic felt right but yet, faraway. like 15 years ago, we were still kids being brought up by my grandparents and growing up together and now, look at us, we are talking about getting married. life, gets really amazing sometimes. hahha, we tried to convince my cousin that 25 is a tad too early for marriage. hahahahhahaha. i think that's like suicide. why the hell would you want to get married so damn early?

here's what i think: i think the best age for ladies to get married would be 28. okay, yes a tad too late for some people but think of it this way, would you have the financial ability to live comfortably before the age of 28? okay, let's say if i graduate at the age of 23, i believe you would at least need 5 years to build up your career. i strongly feel that ladies must learn to be financial dependent too(: once you have the financial abilities, then it's time to start a family. without a comfortable living environment, i think it's really irresponsible to bring kids into the world. we should all bring them into the world to give them the very best! and it's really important to live comfortably too. heh heh, i think i sound materialistic. okay, seems like i've got it all thought out right? no, where's the groom? DONT HAVE LUH. xyz.

dont i just sound so wise, suddenly?

okay, in order to live comfortably, i need to hit the books now.
goodbye!

2010-09-08T23:50:00.000+08:00

you're waiting for a train
a train that will take you far away
you can't be sure where it will take you
but it doesn't matter
because we'll be together

2010-09-06T01:25:00.002+08:00

after what i witnessed last night, i think you would have enough to tolerate for the rest of your life, i truly pity you and hence, i would rest my case.

it was as if he was a beggar with no money to buy his own food.

2010-09-01T22:47:00.002+08:00

heh heh. i'm on cloud 9 because i've just gotten another tuition assignment and, that means i can continue pursuing my passion(: because i have the financial resources to do so now(: yippeee! for some queer reason, i actually enjoy tutoring people although, i will never consider teaching as a career. i think my current student is some sort of an awesome, when i texted him that it was okay if he didnt finish the homework i have given him on Saturday, he replied me: i finished everything on Sunday. HAHAHHAHA. i swear it was a lot and hence, he is amazing, like seriously. on second thought, my schedule is kinda tight after taking the second tuition, given that i have dance classes on Tuesday and Friday. BUT IT'S OKAY, I WILL FIND A WAY TO COPE.

anyway, the previous post was just out to spite you. that was the sole purpose, sole. HAHAHAHAH. erm, i would consider plastic surgery but i dont think looks is that important. like i always say, i would prefer someone who's charismatic over someone who's awesome looking, simply because your looks will change as you age and reach middle age crisis, but charm will always, always be a part of you. so yes, i dont think i'm ugly but neither do i think i'm pretty.

i really know i shouldnt say this, because i might jinx myself by saying so, but i thought i need to be truthful with myself once in a while and hence, i'm going to say it here: i love going to school. okay, minus the 4 hours travelling part. i think the friends i've made are fun and school hasnt gotten stressful yet(: okay, i do feel insecure sometimes because all we have are readings after readings and sometimes, i wonder if i'm doing enough and what's going to happen for exams. but i guess, things will come when they are suppose to come, so yes i shall take it slow too. okay, i shall shut up here, cause i really dont want to jinx myself.

ohh, i'm starting 2 dance classes this week and next. kinda excited and of course, nervous! i'm going for one alone and yes, screw it. i hate to go to dance lessons alone, but i guess that's part and parcel of life, cant have your friends hanging around you 24/7.

hello, i love taunting you, do you know that? in fact, i think i'm addicted to it. whenever i try to stop myself, Changi Beach will just flash across my mind. to put it simply, you just deserve all the shit, i'm throwing at you.

CRIMINAL MINDS S6 PREMIERS ON SEPTEMBER 22ND. SHAKING AND CRYING. I NEED 22ND OF SEPTEMBER TO COME NOW. LIKE N.O.W. okay, although i'm a hard core fan, i only mangaed to watch Season 5 season finale yesterday and ohmygod, it was GOOD. i really sad JJ is leaving the cast because of budget constraints and Prentiss is only going to appear in 10 episodes, but it's okay, i still have Reid(: heh heh. yippeee~

yesterday, i had lunch with my grandpa at a kopitam. we had rotiprata and i went to get him another set of fork and spoon cause the person only gave us one set. he smiled at me: 'oh, for yout father to test, is it?' surprisingly, i smiled back and said: 'yes, but he's my grandpa.' yes, i'm grown up and yes, i've grown used to it. -pats on the back.

i need to get back to my readings
annyeong(:

2010-09-01T01:02:00.003+08:00

i had a conversation with EH. after talking to him, i realised that i'm ugly so i've come to a firm decision: i'm going for plastic surgery when i turn 21 years old. i figured putting on make up is such a waste of time because at the end of the day, it wont make a difference. if your facial features are screwed up like mine, no amount of make up is going to bring about a miracle.

yes, i strongly feel that exterior beauty is of great importance and it can make a hell of a difference to people's lives.

2010-08-31T01:45:00.000+08:00

'you are some brainwashed freak that should really take a break from analysing sick perverse minds.'

HAHA. yes, indeed.

2010-08-30T23:56:00.002+08:00

this world is full of beautiful things, i swear

i have yet to be on time for a tutorial. i need to be punctual from now onwards. i feel so rude walking into classes when the tutor is speaking and to make it worse, they actually smiled at me and said: 'it's okay'. i told you this world is full of beautiful things(:

anyway, i had the most embarrassing moment today. i was on my way to Singapore Society's tutorial and for once, i was on time! in fact, i had like 15 minutes to spare. so i went around looking for my tutorial room and after much effort, i found it. 02-12. yes, i was feeling so proud of myself. i went in, sat down and looked around. strangely, the people in the class started frowning and talking to one another in weird languages. i was like, 'okay, nevermind, ignore'. then suddenly a girl asked me: 'Japanese Studies 5?' in that instant, i swear my face was glowing like the ambulance siren. i went, 'oh crap!' and ran out of the room. i didnt know where to go next and luckily, there was Yvetter to help me check CORS! if not, i would have missed the entire class! HAHAHAHA. so yes, apparently, i copied the wrong tutorial room number down for the second time since school started! tell me i'm awesome(:

goodnight people!

2010-08-29T23:46:00.002+08:00

my ability to block out emotions amazes me. i didnt feel a single bit of sadness when i saw the email. i guess some things are just not meant to be. it just amazes me because i wanted this opportunity since the beginning of this year and yet, i feel nothing now.

hence, i'm really puzzled. in the past, i swear i would be typing a teary entries, cursing the world, my life and whoever's responsible for my plight. i would be wallowing in self pity and be emotional for the rest of the week, or even month! but all i can think of now is, how should move on and continue pursuing my dreams! HAHHAHAHAHA, cant believe it's coming out of my mouth right? i cant believe either. yes, i guess some incidents have indeed drilled me well and some bitches have trained me hard. it's only right of me to say: thank you. right. okay, cannot be bitchy cause my mummy said there's such thing called karma! (inserts smiley face).

so yes, here's the deal: no, i aint giving up, not so easily. no. this just means that i'm going to work ten times harder and of course, in the right direction. (:

ps; school's from 8am to 8pm tomorrow. fmyschedule.
why is my house so effing faraway from my school? the 2 hours journey is a pain in the ass, literally. ouch.

2010-08-28T00:16:00.002+08:00

i'm puzzled, that incident hit me hard yet, i didnt shed a single tear on Wednesday. yes, of course i'm disappointed and upset with myself for not trying even harder, but that's all. this relative air of calmness is so unfamiliar and yet, comfortable. this isnt the way i used to handle my emotions, this isnt the way i vent my frustration in the past. have i dehumanized into someone that i dont recognise?

fingers crossed, nothing more.

2010-08-24T21:01:00.002+08:00

You're on the phone with your girlfriend, She's upset
She's going off about something that you said
She doesnt get your humour like I do

I'm in the room, its a typical Tuesday night
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesnt like
And she'll never know your story like I do

But she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you wake up and find
That what you're lookin for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me
You belong with me

Walkin the streets with you in your worn out jeans
I cant help thinking this is how it ought to be
Laughing on the park bench thinkin to myself
Hey isnt this easy?

And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town
I havent seen it in awhile, since she brought you down
You say you find I know you better than that
Hey, Whatcha doing with a girl like that?

She wears high heels, I wear sneakers
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me

Standin by, waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know that?
You belong with me
You belong with me

Oh I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night
I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're about to cry
I know your favorite songs and you tell me about your dreams
I think I know where you belong. I think I know it's with me.

Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you?
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me

Standing by or waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know that
You belong with me
You belong with me

Have you ever thought just maybe
You belong with me
You belong with me

i like her songs alot, i just dislike her lyrics. fairytales dont exist, why doesnt she get it?

2010-08-20T22:30:00.002+08:00

last night, i dreamt that we found out that she was a man and all of us had to break the news to him that he was dating a man a this while. i honestly wished that there was a such thing called sleep laughing, because it was the most hilarious dream ever.

'We shouldn't tell him, he might not be able to take it'
'Do you think i care?'
'Sorry to break it to you, but you have been dating a man all this while.'
bitchy even while sleeping, i like.

hmmm, it has been 2 weeks since school has started. i dont know, university life is kinda like an eye opener. dont really know how to describe it, but sometimes i just feel really insecure, like i'm stepping out of my comfort zone too quickly and too hastily. i think it's really important to stay grounded in university, if not losing oneself would just be a matter of time.

although there's like loads and loads of reading to be done, i'm kinda enjoying the fact that i'm studying again. i find Singapore Society and Political Science really interesting! can you believe that i sat through a 4 hour lecture without feeling sleepy at any point of time? that's really a feat, honestly. in jc, i would have dozed off 10 minutes into a lecture and come out of the lecture theatre feeling cranky as hell because i dont know what the lecturer was talking about! i guess they're right, you really need to pick a module that you are truly interested in and don't take a module for the sake of taking one. and yes, i took TSD again, HAHAHAHAHAHHA! some people just never learn their lesson, do they? nah, i took it because i told myself that it wasnt a fair shot in jc. it really wasnt. i really wanted to pursue my passion under proper guidance and to be imparted the proper knowledge, so i thought why not? so far, it has been awesome because our lecturer is really hilarious and i actually absorb stuff from his lecture.

i dare not say that i'm happy with my university life afterall it has only been 2 weeks, but i can say that i'm comfortable. happiness never lasts for long and, hence not acknowledging its presence is the easiest way of preventing it from going away. yes, i'm just comfortable, nothing more.

ever read those kinda composition when you were a kid and the title was: An Unfortunate Day? the protagnist would wake up late, miss his SBS bus, run after the damn bus, fall into a puddle of mud and reach school to be punished by the principal. now that i'm an adult, i think the composition should just stop at

Xiao Ming missed his bus to school and he decided that going to school was ultimately pointless. He went back home and slept the rest of the day away. It was definitely an unfortunate day, unfortunate that he couldn't make it for lessons in school.

simple and sweet. and why didnt i think of that earlier? then Wednesday wouldnt turn out so horrible! on Wednesday, i overslept and woke up 1 hour before my lecture. given that i live in Hougang, getting ready and travelling to school takes 2 hours, so it was a no brainer that i was going to be late. i had to turn to my favourite mode of transport, a taxi. i swear, i'm an asset to all the taxi companies in Singapore, they should just hire me as their poster girl and pay me by giving me a year's worth of free taxi rides. it would be an ultimate win-win situation. anyway, here's where the story begins. i went to the bus stop to flag a taxi. i stood there for 15 minutes, every taxi that drove passed had either a passenger or an imaginary passenger on it, because either ways their taxi status was BUSY/HIRED. so i started to panic because i was really late and i didnt want to skip lectures! in the end, i decided to book a taxi, yes i'm so freaking rich, my mum prints money. right. anyway, as i was waiting for my taxi to arrive, an empty taxi sailed past and even slowed down for me. i didnt flag it because i wanted to stay 'loyal' to the taxi driver that was already on the way. just as it sailed past, my cellphone vibrated to life, 'Ms Michelle, i'm sorry but your assigned taxi is unable to pick you up, i will dispatch another taxi to you right now, please wait for the plate number.' awesome timing, wasnt it? i should have replied: 'yes, please wait while i dispatch my vocabulary of vulgarities to you too'. sadly, i was too demure for that. just as i was waiting for the second taxi, another empty taxi zoomed past and i didnt flag it. told you i was an asset to all taxi companies in Singapore. yes, after getting onto the taxi, i thought that was the end of my version of 'An Unfortunate Day', unfortunately, i was wrong. 10 minutes into the ride, we were stuck in a jam. yes, a traffic jam. the car remained stagnant as the meter continues to tick away, as if it had a life of its own. my body remained stagnant as my mind continues to swear away, as if it had a mouth of its own. finally, we reached Harbourfront. i wanted to save money, so i thought of taking 10 from Harbourfront. right. Iris, my new bestfriend, indicated that it would take another 16 minutes before 10 reach the bus stop i was at. so i calmly calculated the time. it was almost 11, if i wait for another 16 minutes and 20 minutes, i would make it just in time to give the lecturers a goodbye kiss each. so yes, i got onto another taxi! so smart right. i might as well just get married to a taxi driver. i got so upset with myself, i asked the uncle to turn into Kent Ridge Terminal. he asked me if i was drunk. he kept laughing and asked me if i was drunk. i was speechless. in short, i spent $23.40 that morning when i could have taken a taxi straight to my school. i , literally followed the bus route and i 'pay by the distance'. SBS has got to love me. and you know what's the worst thing? i was suppose to get a free ride to school from Sherman on Wednesday. fml. i should have never quarreled with my mum the night before, because in the course of doing so, we ceased all mode of communication and she didnt know what time to wake me up. life is truly a joke. i even dreamt that i was getting ready for school before waking up to realise that it was all a dream. fmylife. what briefly happened in the lecture hall was another nightmare of its own luh, but yeah, i guess it's unavoidable. i mean, 3/4 years in the same school, it's gonna happen more than once. ohwell, deal with it.

nevermind! i will never oversleep ever again(: lesson learnt and guess what, my mum compensated me because i wouldnt stop blaming my brother for starting the argument between me and my mum. HAHAHAHAH. whatever luh, it's all Eugenegoh's fault. and why did we quarrel this time round? i just conveniently asked my brother to 'go and die' again. HAHAHAHAHAHA. shit, some habits die hard. ohwell.

i'm really upset by the fact that they are going to remove JJ from Season 6 Criminal Minds! it's so horrible! the team wouldnt be the same again! they are going to cut Emily's parts in the show too! although Season 6 is going to premier in September, i'm kinda skeptical about it! boo boo, good things never ever lasts! damnit luh! :(

i'm kinda glad i went for Oweek.

okay, i need to go and do some reading now! i need to sleep early too cause i'm giving tuition tomorrow! finally, a source of income(: i hope i wont teach the wrong things :S heh heh. good luck, kid. HAHAHAHAHA.

annyeong(:

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

2010-08-07T23:42:00.002+08:00

'it's apparent that you dont have talent in this area, why not just give up and stop wasting your time?'

thanks mum, i really needed that.

it's true, isnt it? no matter how hard i try, no matter how much effort i put it, without musical talent, i'm really nothing. nothing but a big joke in everyone's eyes. i've tried so many ways to improve on my techniques and whatnot, but somehow i just cant get it right. i dont know what to do anymore.

what happened during vocals lesson today, shall make me work harder. thanks for motivating me, bitch (not my mum, of course). you just watch. i finally understand why you are always asking me about my dance lessons and stuff. seriously, stop being so competitive, just go and live your own life.

i feel so horrid now. i dont dare to sleep:(

-

ps; i feel weird saying this but, i, Michelle Goh Wei Ting, cannot wait for school to start. i pray super hard that university life will not screw up on me like how jc life messed up my life. i want to live everyday to the fullest and love every moment of my life in school. i promise i will be a good kid and stop being so mean to people, so please make it happen(: yay!

2010-08-04T00:26:00.002+08:00

a few days ago, my dad called me and we had a really interesting conversation. never in my life would i expect to have such a conversation with my own dad. i'm left in awe even 3 days after the conversation. maybe, i was hallucinating or something, but i'm very sure a conversation like the below took place.

D: Hello. Guess what, i've started listening to Korean song. Listen to this (puts phone to speaker in the car)

(Ring Ding Dong can be heard from the other end)

M: (in an attempt to hide my utter amazement) oh really! that's one of their olders songs though

D: you mean it's not new? what's their newest song? i like this group a lot because all their songs are upbeat! the group that starts with an 'S' right?! S something luh. their dances are really good too and they look really decent too.

M: they have another new song called 'Lucifer'. The group is called SHINee. That's there old song, it came out last year end.

D: yeah yeah, that's the group! and there's this other group called Ukiss, but i dont like them. they look like ahbengs. oh, i want SHINee's latest song. Do you have it in your phone, send it to me! oh, Sorry Sorry is not bad too! (starts to sing Sorry Sorry)

M: (shocked) Sorry Sorry is a really old song! yeah, i dont like Ukiss too. okay, i will pass it to you on Sunday.

(goes silent, unable to carry on with the conversation as my dad rants on and on)
.
.
.
(click)
(stares at the phone in disbelief, unsure if i've just spoken to my dad)

i wonder if he secretly fangirls too. or should i say, fanman. ohmygodddd. cant believe that he actually watches their musicvideos. unbelieveably unbelieveable. ohmygodd. life, is really a big joke. i swear.

2010-08-01T02:44:00.002+08:00

I'll Back Off So You Can Live Better

I'll back off so you can live
Say it directly
Looking at me
Say it looking into my eyes
Did you just say you wanted to break up?
Did you want to end it with me?
(I know) You probably got a lady
(I know) You probably got sick of me
even though the tears are rushing to me

I'll back off so you can live
That is all i can say
I'll forget you so you can live better
I'll back of so you can live
So that you will be happy without me
The Love you tossed away
You can take it
Don't leave even a trace behind and take it all
Don't even say you are sorry
Don't worry about me

Sorry My Sweety
Your lips that told me that you were going to leave
Why does it give me a reason to be angry today?
I need to stop you
The words don't go out
And you are already moving far apart

(I know) You will forget me
(I know) I will really hate you
Even though you know everything

I'll back off so you can live
That is all i can say
I'll forget you so you can live better
I'll back of so you can live
So that you will be happy without me
The Love you tossed away
You can take it
Don't leave even a trace behind and take it all
Don't even say you are sorry
Don't worry about me

(You) The reason i lived
(You) You were all i wanted
You~
It was me who only looked at you
(Why) Why are you leaving?
(Why) Why are you tossing me away?
If you were going to be like this
Why did you love me in the first
place?

Do you happen to remember that day?
That day when we first met
I still remember it
The promise you made to me
That you will only care for me
That you will only protect me
That you will only love me
I believed your lies
I believed it

(Oh) Oh Oh Oh Oh
Did you really love me?
(Oh) Oh Oh Oh Oh
No No No No
(Oh) Oh Oh Oh Oh
I'll forget so you can live better

this song is so awesome, i cant stop listening to it(:
yes, go youtube and type G.NA I'll Back Off So You Can Live Better. yes, it's a korean song but i really think it's worth listening to! it's more of the music rather than the lyrics this time round. i like G.NA's vocals too, it's powerful and yet, soft at certain parts! i just cant stop listening to it. i think people should stop looking at her boobs and start listening to her song! sadly, today for live performance, she forgot to zip her pants and her underwear was pink. poor thing. it's okay, the song is awesome and that's all that matters. like duh.

okay, i secretly love the music video too, but Lyana said i cant like the male lead, so i try not to watch the music video. HAHAHAHAHA.

2010-07-30T03:02:00.006+08:00

WEITING AND YANYI'S CAMWHORE TUTORIAL 101(:

anytime, anyplace, anyhow

No one wants to kayak with us.

hyy: i cannot find my 2 star cert, how?
me: i need a partner for Saturday, how?
hyy: does that mean that we must partner up for kayaking?
me: if we partner up, we will end up having a bitch fight in the middle of the sea. i estimate that we will capsize before 10am.

Let's have supper together

Even Hotchner thinks that Yanyi is weird

hyy: eh, take me with my minnie mouse pens (word for word)

Yanyi likes guys with centre parting, Wei Ting just likes braces

me: no, those blue things are not food stuck in the gum, please. they are braces with blue plastic and aqua metal.

if you cant beat her, join her.

the reason for this post: we havent met for 4 days. awwww~

my foot luh, cause i'm damn bored and i slept at 7pm just now, so now i'm wide awake. ohman, it's almost 4am again. i'm going to die young. damnit.

2010-07-27T23:36:00.010+08:00

because hope is paralysing and she should have known better.

anyway, i hate to procrastinate and when i see a task sticking out like a sore thumb, i make sure i get it done before it balloons up to a pus-filled rotten thumb. so i've just started painting my room, say yay! heh heh, i cant wait for the end product! and yes, it's pink(: -bimbotic squeals fill the air. like duh~ soon i will move back to my cosy nest and yes, i will sleep alone again! muhahahahah!

hmmm, i'm secretly grateful that i got to 'play dress up' on Thursday and Friday! yippeee. HAHAHAHA. shit, i think i'm damn vain, cannot take it! anyway, after the two social nights, i think NS life not bad leh, quite fun and enriching! (HAHAHAHAHHA). both nights were kinda like an eye opener in many ways. pretty hotels, awesome stuff, and nice food(: saw a lot of familiar faces too. basically, both nights were really cool and new experiences(: so yupp, thank you guys((: heh heh!

i think i drive insanity into the minds of my friends. i'm sorry, friends! i will attempt to practise self control(: in the meantime, let's enjoy the product of such insanity:

we had 2 hours before our movie starts and our heart to heart session was getting a little dry, so heh heh. we should always try to do unique and weird things while we are young. can you expect me doing this 5 years down the road? if i carry on like the above, i would greatly fear for my future. so yeah, cherish the opportunity to explore your 'stupidity' now(: but yeah, there's always a limit to such things though, it's all a matter of keeping it within your principles. there are some things that i will never ever try, like hmmm, clubbing and smoking, just aint my kind of activities, i guess. hmmm. anyway, there's this really cool place to chill at SCAPE. the seats are comfortable and it's in the open. perfect place for heart to heart sessions. awww. so touchy mushy right? i cannot take it either!

i'm glad that the things we talked about and answers we gave really differed from the past, i guess it's that maturity that starts to sink in as we age. sometimes, i feel really thankful to have close friends because they actually understand how i feel towards certain issues and they are able to understand the rationale behind my reactions. it's like after a horrible confrontation of sorts with someone, i can just sprout all my frustrations to them and they truly could see my point of view. i love it how they dont always feed me with politically correct answers, answers that attempt to 'save the world', answers that make everyone looks like saints, answers which i hate. i detest politically correct answers because i feel that they are superficial and insincere. when i'm looking for a listening ear, i would like to have someone who can relate to me, rather than someone who just dumps me with all the 'i-got-this-from-how-to-stop-my-friend-from-being-a-bitch-101', if so why don't i just borrow some self help book from the library. i think that's the simple reason why we became good friend. people become good friends because of a simple reason: they embrace one another's differences. to put it simply; we love our friends for who they are(: awww! i hate to say mushy stuff, but honestly thankyou friends(: you guys never fail to make me feel human again!

for the first time since i was a kid, i stepped into an arcade willingly last Saturday! heh heh. since i was in primary school, i hated the arcade. okay, i hated those cheena ahlians and bengs, and since that was their favourite hangout, i naturally hated that place too! hmmm, but Saturday, it got so boring that doing anything was better than walking around. surprisingly, car racing was really fun(: HAHAHAHAHA. and i always came in last. initially, i stepped on the brake and accelerator at the same time, so my car was stagnant, while everyone was racing past me. fmylife. so i panicked like mad and stepped even harder on the accelerator and brakes. HAHAHAHAHA. i didnt even get to travel 10km in the first try. ohmygod, so embarrassing luh. after that, i just couldnt keep on the road and all i did was flip other cars over. HAHAHAHA, Baowen was first and when i saw her drive by, i got super agitated, so i purposely crashed into her! HAHAHAHAHAH, hyy is right, i like to watch people suffer. i hope i will never get my driver's license. i fear for the safety of pedestrians and drivers. i sincerely do. sometimes, i really think that i'm wasting my life away. ohwell.

then we had supperkids meeting for the last time before school reopens! HAHAHAHAH. Wilsonpeh was so tired, he spoke less than 10 sentences luh. he said: 'Reading your blog is a must-do when i book out every weekend. When i read your blog, i will always scold; what the fuck and my mum will stand next to me and scold me:' 你可以不要骂粗话吗?' HAHAHAHAH, i swear it was goddamn funny when he said it.' 你可以不要骂粗话吗?' ohmygod, his mum is so funny. anyway, he finds my blog stupid but he still reads it. what the hell. he said: 'Do you think taking a photos of garbage bags in your room is a very intellectual thing to do?' HAHAHAHAHA. what the hell. i agree with him. HAHAHAHAHAHAH. nevermind, one day i will attempt to talk about something intellectual. one day(:

oh, it's 4am in the morning.

oh, i need to sleep.

oh.

2010-07-26T03:53:00.001+08:00

she read you like a book when you were just a blank piece of paper; she should have known better.

anyway, it just dawned on me that school is starting in less than 10 days. i can wait, infact i can wait another 2-3 months. okay, here's the joke: i know school is starting but i dont know the exact date. this is so frustrating, i'm not done with settling my life yet. there's just so much to do. i need to:

1. REVAMP MY ROOM.
i want my room to have this cozy, warm and welcomey feeling so that i would actually have the mood to stay in it. i think i spend less than 10 hours per weeks in my room. i want to paint my room hotpink and white(: i asked my mum if she could go Ikea with me and she said: i've phobia of going Ikea with you because everytime you go there, you act like i earn 10 thousand per month'. HAHAHAHAHA. she's so right.

2. REVISE KOREAN.
i only know how to say; hello, my name is gohweiting in Korean after 10 weeks worth of lessons. i told you i'm a joke. i learn more Korean words from Korean varietyshows than lessons. oh crap, i feel so guilty now:(

3. RETHINK MY CAREER PATH.
i really, truly and absolutely have a vast interest in Criminology but the career path is so not me. HAHAHAHA. like what the fuck right, can you imagine GOHWEITING as a (hahahaha, i find it so embarrassing, i dont have the guts to mention it)? ohmygod, i swear this would be the joke of the century. :( i dont know luh, but i think it's just unwise to go into university without a clear idea of what you want to get out of it after 3/4 years. i need a clear goal to stay motivated in life, if not i would just be as lost as i was in jc. yes, FOCUS! and i promised myself to stop harping on the fact that jc life was a big fucked up experience. i will move on and make the best out of university life. there are some things i can let go of and move on from(: hmmmm.

4. READJUST MY SLEEP CYCLE.
i sleep at 3/4 am and wake up at 1pm. i'm my grandpa's daughter and i'm my brother's mother. my life is awesome.

5. RE ENTER YOUR LIFE AS A NIGHTMARE.
just kidding.

that's for now. there are the minor stuff like get a new school bag/laptop/clothes which is so insignificant compared to those above. i wish my wallpaper were made of 50 dollars notes then my life would be perfect(: yay me.

i'm finally getting Jodi Picoult's House Rules after 4 months of considering. what the hell right, just a novel and i need to consider so long. i only took less than 1 day to consider if i should get my Anna Sui pouch which cost 5 times more than the book. ohgod. i cant wait to read it! i love Jodi Picoult's novels sfm because it covers the topics i'm really interested in! Law and Crime(: perfect combination! that's why i always thought that Criminal Minds would be perfect if they included trials in the show, like how the criminals (if they were not shot dead by the awesome BAU team) were trialed and what sentence they receive for the crimes they have committed. it could be called: Criminal Minds: The Courtroom. i think that would be uber cool(: HAHAHAH.

and did i mention that Salem Falls was an awesome book too? ohmygod, i love it how Jodi Picoult always adds a twist to her ending. my jaw literally dropped open as i read the last line of the novel. HAHAHAHAH. yes, in case you didnt know, i read. i know the intelligence level doesnt quite reflect the fact that i read, but i really do read. i see the need to clear up this misconception because too many people thinks that the only stuff i read is SEVENTEEN/CLEO, which i dont, sadly. anyway, my ideal way of spending a day would be: reading a novel and listening to Korean songs on my itouch while drinking Java Chip/Mocha frap at Starbucks. it would be even better if it's raining outside(: even even better if there's a hunk sitting 2 tables down. PERFECT DAY. CANNOT BELIEVE I'M SAYING THIS RIGHT? HAHAHAHAHA!

okay, i need to sleep. it's 3.49am
what the hell is wrong with me.

I FEEL SO MISUNDERSTOOD.
and the rest is better left unsaid. afterall, i'm just a convenient excuse right? i thank you for fucking up my life once in a while, it brings excitement to a new level. i adore playing the role of the bitch so fucking much, it just brings my acting skills to a whole new dimension. fuck you and have a nice day(:

2010-07-25T01:50:00.001+08:00

it took me a lot of courage to do what i'm going to do right here on my blog. i mean, not everyone knows about this (who am i kidding). i would bear the full consequences of my following actions and i hope nobody gets hurt as a result of my actions. i just wanted to be heard for once and i couldnt hold it back any longer. i mean, i deserve a chance too right? okay, here goes nothing:

i like

to show you a video of me singing seriously for once(:

HAHAHAHAHAH.

no, i dont know what i'm singing. okay, i do know the gist of the song, duh, it's my favourite song! anyway, pardon my korean cause it's erm, really bad. yes, i'm open to comments too(: HAHAHAHAH. shit, i dont know what i'm doing exactly.

2010-07-20T00:26:00.003+08:00

life, you make Joker look like a peanut.

i want to know what it's like to live happily ever after. i want someone to prove to me that fairytales are not bullshit. i want to know what it's like to feel happy, look happy and act happy genuinely. i want someone to prove to me that promises arent meant to be broken. i want someone to show me that it's not a norm for people to abandon you as and when they like. i want to know why people hurt one another. i want to know why people change. i want someone to prove to me that it still doesnt hurt to have faith in human beings.

you've taught me everything since i was a kid, there's just one last thing i need you to teach me. teach me what i must do to erase you from my life, completely. you were an irony to begin with. one day, i will garner the courage to tell you to get out of my life. one day, i will finally dare to look into your eyes and tell you how much i hate you. for these 6 years, i thank you for teaching me the meaning of 'abandonment' and one day, i will reciprocate your kindness by teaching you the very same thing. who are you, anyway?

sometimes, it's just so difficult to find that one person who truly listen. someone who's there to relate rather, than rationalize the situation. someone who doesnt end up backstabbing you at the end of the whole 'storytelling' session. someone who knows exactly what it's like to be in my shoes. oh well, someone is just a ficitional character, we all know you dont exist. like duh. i wonder what's someone's surname.

2010-07-19T00:14:00.002+08:00

ohmygod, Lyana and i were so bored, we just had a contentless conversation. apparently, she is now a fan of WTYY. she said that WTYY is supposed to be pronounced as 'WHAT'. our fan club would be called 'HELL'. and together, we are called 'WHAT(wtyy) THE HELL'. our new names would be micHELLe goh and yanyi is now called, sHELLey ho. say what! our official balloon colour is TRANSPARENT and all our 'future' fans are going to wear transparent tees to our performances. sexy, i like. our official chant is: what the hell what the hell, saranghaeyo michelle goh. saranghaeyo shelley ho. everyone in LLBBBDD are official members from this moment onwards. our fanbase is expanding vertically. we will have a hot comeback soon, please continue to support us(: and because i have more fans supporting me, i'm going to have a solo debut too. do look out for my awesome performance(:

ohmygod, can you imagine how bored i am?

i'm fat. i get hungry every night at 1 am and instead of starving myself, i feed myself food. i'm eating a hotdog bread now. i'm going to grow fat fat fat. i sleep really late every night and instead of sleeping straight away, i stare into the dark room. i get insomnia every freaking night. nowadays, i dont even dare to go to bed. my sleep cycle is so screwed up:( all in all, i'm going to die young:(

annyeong.
back to my bread and sleepless night.

2010-07-18T00:25:00.004+08:00

你好, uncle.你很奇怪,你可以不见掉吗?

i find middle aged men really scary and weird nowadays. my estate is full of such queer characters, i feel that my life is currently in grave danger. i'm scared. i should learn wushu from my brother.

on Thursday, i got harassed by this weird uncle after getting off the bus. he kept on staring at me and making those squeaky noise with his lips. ohmygod, freakin ji go pei luh! the worst thing was, my handphone was out of battery, so i couldnt call my mum for help. ohmygod, fortunately, he wasnt following me, if he did follow me, i think i wouldnt be blogging here! i hate living in Hougang Ave 8, damnit. and no, it wasnt late because i always make a conscious effort to reach home before 12 although i have no curfew. and no, i dont wear revealing clothes cause i have insecurities issues. the uncle is just plain pervertic and disgusting. i hate you, uncle and be glad i'm calling you uncle. ji go pei!

then today, as i was rushing to dance lesson, this weird middle aged man walked pass me and say: 'Hello.' WHAT THE HELL. i didnt even know him luh. hello me for what! ACK! so i just ignored him and walk away but that's not the end of it. after dance lesson, ANOTHER weird middle aged man walked pass me and STARED at my face, like for 5 seconds and then he smiled before walking away. ohmygod. i was so frightened, i swear i just rushed down the escalator as fast as my legs could bring me. DIDNT YOUR MAMA TELL YOU THAT STARING WAS RUDE AND YOUR AINT SUPPOSE TO TALK TO STRANGERS.

ohmygod, this world is such a freaky place, i want to live with Agnes instead and we can search for fluffy unicorns together(: YAY.

i always knew that i was a trendsetter.

suddenly, it dawned on me how weird and random the whole situation is, but it's too late to do anything, i guess. ohmygod, dont know luh. hate this feeling ttm. xyz luh.

yay! i'm starting korean lesson in 2 weeks time(: FINALLY. in the meantime, i shall make full use of my holiday, i shall revise all that i've learnt in level 1! yes, my aim is to speak fluent korean in 2 years time, then i will be able to speak 4 languages! YAY(: muhahahahaha! but honestly speaking, i have a looooooonnnnnnngggggg way to go. ohwell!

i love how Inception kept on using the line: '....grow old together.' i always found this three words really touching and i find it more meaningful then ~~'i love you.'~~ what the hell is ~~'i love you'~~ anyway? nowadays, people spam the phrase ~~'i love you'~~ so casually, it kinda doesnt hold that much depth anymore. i can say it to a friend, a stranger, a fan, an idol or even an enemy! just spam like free luh. how many people actually mean it when they say it? how many actaully say it from the bottom of their hearts? right. but, if someone says: 'i want to grow old with you.' that's like ohmygod sweet. i mean, how many people actually have the chance of growing old together? i get really touched when i see old couples holding hands on the streets, cause that moment is just so rare and precious. imagine the amount of effort they have put in to make a marriage last a lifetime. the effort that they put in to maintain it for this long, is what i call love(: not some superficial phrase like ~~'i love you'~~. seriously, what the hell is ~~'i love you'~~ anyway? HAH, people get so lazy saying it, it actually exist in short-form, ilu. yes, talk is indeed cheap. you are damn cheap.

I WANT TO WATCH DESPICABLE ME AGAIN CAUSE I MISSED THE IMPORTANT PART WHERE AGNES SAYS "IT'S SO FLUFFY, I THINK I'M GOING TO DIE". stupid phone. sharron, hyy and i wanted to watch it today, but we were too late! damnit. I NEED MY DOSAGE OF AGNES, IF NOT I THINK I'M THE ONE WHO'S GOING TO DIE. AGNES AGNES AGNES! (plays the unicorn music)

okay, i want to sleep.
annyeong!

bored kids, really small ambitions.

2010-07-18T00:21:00.000+08:00

2010-07-17T00:06:00.002+08:00

I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE. I MUST WATCH DESPICABLE ME AGAIN. I NEED TO SEE HER AGAIN. OHMYGOD. HOW CAN ANYONE BE SO ADORABLE? I CAN STARE AT THIS FOR HOURS AND NOT GET BORED.

2010-07-16T23:35:00.004+08:00

this is a hoyanyi post:
since i owe her so much, i've decided to listen to her for once:

1. she wants me to post this gif here:

∞ yanyi: countdown unless you're juvenile let's go says:
just post that gif and say you will bring him home to me one day

i adore her taste for guys. strange, special, sexy, she's got it on lock.

2. she wants me to tell everyone that: Inception was an AWESOME show! i give it 5 stars (in an unusually cheery voice)

tbh, i didnt understand the show at all. i dont know how to use my brain while watching a movie, damnit. but i love the concept though and it got really intense towards the end! okay luh, i think it was a cool movie(:

3. she wants me to tell everyone that: michellegohweiting is an awesome friend and she thinks she is the coolest person alive at the moment. she wants everyone to know that she is her number 1 fan!

∞ yanyi: countdown unless you're juvenile let's go says:
perfect flawless awesome body great abs just a bit old

aww. she's such a sweet friend. i always knew she had a thing for me. and she thinks that i'm just a bit old. just

this is the end of a meaningless hoyanyi post. i no longer owe her anything(: yay!

goodbye.

2010-07-14T22:43:00.004+08:00

today after having lunch with my grandpa, he went to get onions from the veggie stall while i went 711 to get ribena(: okay, that's beside the point. the point was, he walked behind the counter to get more onions and i thought he went missing, so i went to look for him with this semi anxious look on my face. the shopkeeper noticed it and said: ' don't worry, your DAD is safe with me!' ohmygod. AGAIN, for the 5th time in this month. when i told the shopkeeper my 'dad' was actually my grandpa, he said to him in hokkien: 'WAH UNCLE, GRAND DAUGHTER SO BIG ALREADY AH? GOOD LIFE AH!' idiot, didnt even apologise to me luh. I. NEED. BOTOX. NOW. i sincerely wish that all these were just happening solely inside my mind. i wish all these were just part of my imagination! BUT, NO THEY ARENT. honestly speaking, it never occurred to me that i look old for my age luh! ah! it must be my grandpa, he looks young for his age! he is almost 80, but all of my friends who have seen him thinks that he's 60 plus! YES. BINGO. like he always says: 'IT'S IN THE GENES'. i might look old now, but my face is just gonna stop here. yes. STOP.

i think hyy is super depressed. like major. like super duper. and i think i was the one who passed it to her. today, we went for a 2.4k run at the stadium, then we went Hougang Mall to have dinner and she was acting so weird. she kept on telling me: (sigh) 'life is so meaningless.' 'this is the beginning of my meaningless life.' (sigh). 'what am i going to do when i get home today'. (sigh) okay, honestly speaking, i found those lines super familiar. HAHAHAHAH. then i realised, those are my favourite lines! hmmm, after coming back from Hongkong, i feel more relaxed, so i guess i'm recovering while she's deteriorating. oh crap! she even threw her shoebag at me and laughed when i jumped in shock. eh, that's something only i would do luh, freaky shit.

oh oh, maybe we are going through this personality switch now. it's like Freaky Friday. oh, cool. then, one day i will suddenly become allergic to peanut, my eyebrows will defy gravity when i see Caucasians and i will start liking weird British bands. then hyy will start talking to herself in the public, she will start to look old for her age and she will be in a panic mode 24/7. WOW. that would be awesome(: like for a day only. anyway, in order to untangle her messed up heart and most probably, mind, we walked the whole of Hougang Central and Hougang Mall looking for Hula Hoops. apparently, hula hoops are the only solution to having a flat tummy. (ah, screw it luh, we didnt find any hoops in the end).

anyway, i think she's just suffering from post World Cup syndrome, i believe that she will be fine after she comes back from camp. yes, just like how i felt better after i came back from Hongkong. it's nothing magical, i just needed to take a step back in order to see the bigger picture and make life work for me again, i guess. yes, of course i'm still afraid of living that 9-5 life but i've found an alternative that has nothing to do with my dream and currently, that's good enough for me. and of course, the quest to keep my dreams real still continues, DUH, but in a more relaxing mode, i suppose. oh dear, i feel so zen suddenly. what the hell, cannot take it, this is too queer.

anyway, i think my mum is damn weird. yesterday, i finally got my dumbells(: it's bright pink and small! yes after being told by my 'awesome' colleauges that i have flabby arms, i finally got my dumbells! okay, that's beside the point. this was what my mum said to me when i was using them in the room: 'When you are quarreling with your brother, please dont hold those dumbells in your hands, i think you are most likely to hit him with it when you lose your temper. You better dont hold them in your hands if you dont want to end up in jail.' NO KIDDING. it's not word for word since she said it in Chinese, but i'm damn serious, she said that to me. initially, i thought she was talking to my brother, so i laughed at him cause it shows that he's the one with violent tendencies, but then my mum said: '我在说你啊!' damn, am i really that scary? no right? i'm so mild tempered, i think my mum is the one who is hallucinating luh! gosh. i live with weird people. i'm the only sane one at home. yay me!

university was goddamn far. went for medical checkup with alicia and eugenia and ohmygod, the journey back killed me. it was like venturing into another country, i think i went into Malaysia. okay luh, we went to hang out in Bukit Timah, and everything just felt freaking foreign, even the people there had this different 'aura'. i prefer the north east side, hands down, legs know and face down. ohgod, suddenly i dread university life even more, like 100 time more. someone, please help me! oh, but the ice cream we had was AWESOME, now that's what you call a bonus. the fried chicken rice was not baddd too(: COLESAW ftw! shit, now i sound like a glutton. hur hur. yes, 2008 is back. get what i mean?

okay, i have this stupid test to take tomorrow because i screwed up my GP. i'm sad, very. okay, i need to sleep cause i'm meeting xiaowei at 0845 tomorrow. shit, that's my sleeping time luh. how now brown cow. i wanted to re-watch an ep of Criminal Minds tonight! ack!

annyeong(:

dedicated to my beloved; hoyanyi(: aww, i'm such a nice friend right?

2010-07-13T18:10:00.006+08:00

hello hello baby you called i can't hear a thing.

i went to see a dentist today! it wasnt as bad luh since the dentist allowed me to listen to my itouch! so whenever it got painful, i just focused on SS501's 'beautiful' voice(: heh heh! and the dentist said my teeth was fineeee!

heh heh, i think it's not an unknown fact that i have this thing for braces! i just think people who wear braces have this weird appeal. HAHAHAHAHHA. crap, i sound damn sick, hmmm, it's NOT a fetish luh. okay, so i want to wear braces. HAHAHAHAHHA, joke i know. so i was damn excited because i finally get to ask the dentist if i needed to wear them. that was like one of my main purpose for visiting the dentist. BUT SHE SAID NO. N.O. she looked at my teeth and told me that the benefit i would get out of wearing braces will be really, really small as compared to the pain i would have to go through. DAMNIT. i was praying them hard that she would say yes. oh well, that only shows one thing, my dentist is an honest lady. i like her(:

then i started asking her about teeth whitening and i got a shocker when she said: 'it's $200 for the upper jaw and $150 for the lower jaw.' ohmygod. i rather use liquid paper to paint my teeth white, i would still have left-over to use for my worksheets. the point is, my dentist must be a freaking rich lady. yes, i liked her more after that, wanted to call her 妈. kidding. okay, let's say, every week she gets a patient who wants to whiten her/his teeth. that like $1400 per month and that excludes other services like extraction/scaling and polishing and BRACES, which actually costs $5000 according to her. ohmygod, i've got it all figured out. yes, i have. it's like instant enlightenment: i shall marry a DENTIST. muhahahahahahaha. okay, kidding. now, i have finally understood what they mean by the statement: dentist makes a lot of money. when people said a lot, i think they really meant ALOT as in, (bold, size 96, underlined and highlighted) WOW.

so i left the place with no further appointments because i dont need braces and i cant afford to whiten my teeth. when i told my mum about it, she was on cloud 9.

me:'eh, 牙医说我不用带braces leh! sian luh!'

mum:'HENG AH!' (loud and clear)

my mum is damn drama, now i know where i got my dramatic genes from.

on Saturday, my dance instructor called me a pretty cow because i was chewing on gum during his lesson. he said i looked like a cow chewing on grass in the field, but since i'm pretty (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, hyy bursted out laughing at this part), i'm a pretty cow. whatthehell luh. i didnt know whether to cry or laugh, i just gave him a constipated look. i should have sang: 'you say it best, when you say nothing at all'. then we had steamboat at night! HAHAHAHAHAH, damn gay right? but it's okay luh, since we havent seen each other for 6 days! i think if we were big eater, it would have been damn worth it! $20 for a buffet steamboat with loads of seafood and meat. yeah, it wasnt that bad(: we caught Despicable Me at 1140! hahahah, we have this thing for midnight show because it meant that we could cab home! i love taxi. i get really hapyy when i see a road full of empty taxis. hahahahaha. i forced hyy to watch it with me, and it was AWESOME. i want to watch it again. AGNES IS SO CUTE. i dont usually go for cute stuff, but AGNES was too cute to resist. must watch it again. must.

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l5hjus4WOC1qcdsgko1_500.gif

on Sunday, my brother got hospitalized for some minor issue. the doctor came in to take down our family details. he asked my dad what does he work as and i said: he's self employed. then the doctor turned to me and asked me the same question. i said: oh, i'm a student'. suddenly, his eyes became wide opened and he said: 'OH, YOU MEAN YOU ARE NOT THE MOTHER?' fmylife. i wanted so badly to reply him: ' OH, YOU MEAN YOU ARE NOT A WOMAN?' no luh, duh. i was wearin a brown leather jacket and a pink, poofy skirt luh, how the hell do i look like a MOTHER? he actually thought that my dad was my husband, okay that's fucking gross. like ohmygod, i cannot take it gross. so gross, that i feel like vomitting now. but it's okay, i shant blame myself. i shall blame my mum and dad for looking too young for their age. both of them look like they are in their mid thirties luh, especially my mum. like what the hell, this is so not my fault. i can continue sleeping at 3 everyday(: yes i can.

then on Sunday, i realised that the hospital was always the place where my family ever felt complete in, where there's 4 of us and not just 3. yes, Sunday wasnt the first time but it was always in a hospital. yes, it meant something bad must happen before we ever get the chance to exist together in a room, again. right, getting together was suppose to be a happy thing, but can you see the irony ever so clearly?

anyway, hyy 'babysat' me on Sunday because i didnt want to be alone at home! okay, babysit sounds freaking gross, but yeah luh. hahahah, yeah luh yeah luh, i was scared luh. hmmm, let's see, i'm scared of the dark, i'm scared of ghosts and i'm scared of sleeping alone. so yeah, that pretty well sums up why i didnt dare to stay alone at home! so yeah, we watched the finals, okay, i kinda watched it. 10 minutes into the match, i went to cook instant noodles, then 20 minutes later i started inspecting my toenails and 30 minutes later, i started blogging. HAHAHAHAHAHAH. it was so boring, i couldnt take it. hyy was acting a monologue luh. she was jumping off the sofa, shouting out names, tugging my sleeves and cursing(mildly). HAHAHAHHA, i swear watching her was more entertaining and when i saw the goal, it only meant one thing to me: yay, i can finally go to bed. HAHAHAHAHAHAH.

okay, i'm going to eat dinner now, cause my grandpa is back at my house(:

byebye!

2010-07-13T18:07:00.001+08:00

forget Yuri, i rather marry Hyunah. heh heh, i know this song is freaking old but i never ever get sick of this performance. it's too hot and too charismatic, i cannot take it! hahahah, actually can luh since i've watched it so many times! i dont understand why guys prefer SNSD to her. she seriously have skills, a lot of it! and yes, the most disturbing thing is: she is only 18 years old. what are we all doing with our lives? or rather, what the hell am i doing with my life? she makes me want to learn popping too! hahahaha, okay dont puke luh. i get it.

step step swagger.

2010-07-09T22:21:00.018+08:00

我们回来了(in cantonese)

yes, we are back from Hongkong and i'm severely suffering from withdrawal symptoms. i miss our hotel room, i miss speaking weird sounding cantonese, i miss taking the MTR, i miss shopping and i miss Wan Ning (awww). hmmm, the trip was 99% awesome and 1% 'i feel so frustrated with ahtiongs'. i spent a lot of money but brought a fair amount of stuff, according to my mum. so yes, go figureeee! anyway, i just try to recall everything because happy things are supposed to be recorded down for future viewing pleasureeeee(: I LOVE HONGKONG!

Day 1

we took off a little later than planned cause a lot of planes were taking off at the same time. the photo is so pretty right? we always see traffic jams on the roads, but have you ever since a plane jam? heh heh! cool eh? some day we will get to see spaceships jam! the sky was so pretty too. gosh, i think life of a air stewardess is filled with beautiful things! beautiful scenery, beautiful experience and beautiful men, everywhere. HAHAHAHAH.

ah, i didnt know we were allowed to take photos on the plane after take off. i never dared to take photos after take off because i was worried that the plane system would crash as a result and that would be the end of everyone. i am a noobster. so yeah, after the revealation, we took a lot of photos. hoyanyi and aliciatay, we know the secrets to cam-whoring too(: heh heh!

Hongkong's airport was awesome, like if you think Changi is of high standards, Hongkong International Airport is like heavenly. hmmm, because there's no one studying there, there's no couples dating there and there's no kids playing there thinking that it's their playground. in other words, their airport doesnt multi function like Singapore(: it's purely for departure and arrival.

ohoh, we got a free upgrade for our hotel room((: are we lucky or what, but there's a BUT. it was initially just the basic room, the cheapest kind with single beds and no views. we thought for the sake of comfort, maybe we could upgrade our room to a better one if it was affordable, so we asked the receptionist guy. he was rambling on and on about the check in details and then suddenly he said: 'a room upgrade for free'. seriously, i couldnt believe my ears, like what the hell luh, i havent been so lucky in a long time. so we happily went up to our room which was on the 52nd floor(: cool right? it had 2 queen beds and an awesome sea view. THEN, i saw the reason why we were given the room for free, our room was directly facing a cemetery. yes, i didnt dare to open the curtains until the last day.

we had dinner at a super cool restaurant called Modern Toilet Restaurant. our seats were toilet bowls and our table had a sink underneath it.

we ate from toiletbowls and bath tub and drank from urinals. our dinner was amusing, like to the max(: we ate shit from the toilet bowl and it was delicious, i'm not kidding.

COOL RIGHT? i know. cool people find cool food(: YAY! then we went shopping. (bimbotic squeals fill the air). Hongkong is damn cool, their shopping centre is 12 storeys high, and it just keeps spiraling up, so we sub-consciously just keep going higher and higher.

Normally, i get insomnia when i'm not sleeping on my bed so yes, Wan Ning and i talked the whole night. HAHHAHAHA. it finally dawned on me that it's aint my fault that i get depressed and negative so easily. i mean since the age of 8, it hasnt been easy. yes, it's all private and confidential so i dont go around telling people about my life. so now, i kinda think that there's nothing wrong being depress just as long as i dont upset anyone because of it. so yes, i'm a person who's always depressed and paranoid, but so what? deal with it then. but nevermind luh, i'm very happy now(: hahahaha.

Day2

we are smart people. we went to China Ferry Terminal using a map. yes, just a map. yes, we knew how to read a map. (holy music plays in the background) anyway,we bought ferry tickets and went to Macau to gamble, not. sadly, Macau wasnt such a great experience. it was really hot and because no buses went to the St Paul ruins, we had to walk there. it was all fine and merry initially until ahtiongs started to invade my personal space. it's like watching the showing of Ahtiong Troopers: Invasion of Macau. literally,troops and troops of them. ohmygod, it was horrid because they were loud and rude. the ruins was beautiful but we couldnt take any nice photos there because ahtiongs would appear in our photos:( i thought going to the Vienna would make the situation better, but i was wrong. they were literally everywhere. i saw a man changing in G2000, he was half naked and trying on clothes in the open, yes in the open. i was in 'awe'. and we were in Zara when suddenly a troop invaded it. that was the first time i hated Zara. like fml ttm. hahahaha, i think Day 2 was the suckiest day of the trip!

heh heh. but we went back to Hongkong to shop and all was fine and merry again((: korean food in Hongkong was delicious. shit, i'm freaking hungry now:( i want kimchi now.

Day 3

this was the legendary day when we shopped till we dropped. ohmygod, havent carried so many paper and plastic bags before! our arms were aching at the end of the day! 3 shopping centre in a day, Elements, Times Square and Sogo! the shopping centres are freaking cold, i was trembling as i was looking at clothes in Zara. anyway, i think we are imba ttm luh(: and i spend $400 plus. freaking sinful and yet, joyous! tralalalalalalalalal:D hahahaha. i love AnnaSui products(: they are all so pretty and chic! i want to be her daughter. 妈! 我要香水! 妈!我要皮包!妈!我要钱!

then there was this Toy Story 3 Exhibition and everything was so cute! i want to revisit Times Square again! we took photos under Andy's bedside table and in his cardboard house! okay, i kinda regret not going to disneyland now! ohwell, i can always revisit Hongkong when i have the money(: and i will go and find tinkerbell! yes, she's my favourite disney character because she is a bitch of her kind(: she has attitude! muhahahahah. (hyy: can you say Belle is my favourite disney character? okay, sure) oh oh, we had Aijisen in Hongkong! it's much cheaper and there was more varieties too(: but it tasted kinda bland, or maybe i was too hungry to detect taste. in Hongkong, we ate 2 meal per day. we kinda skip lunch because shopping was of utmost importance, gosh, where do you find kids so focused nowadays? not even in school, duh. anyway, it was an AWESOME DAY OF SHOPPING. it made me wanna get married to a millionaire so that everyday will be like this for the rest of my life. my occupation would be: professional shopper. i would be a happy woman for the rest of my life(: dang! now i sound materialistic! nah, i rather shop using my own hard earned money! women shouldnt rely on men! no no no!

Day 4

feeling exceptionally religious today, we went Lantau Island to pray to the BIG BUDDHA! the cable car ride was awesome. it made the cable car ride in Singapore, from Habourfront to Mount Faber feel like a lift ride. the air was really fresh, like really. it was my first time breathing in non polluted air since coming back from Sikkim. i should have hyperventilated there, so that i could take in more fresh air per second. (kids, do not try this at home). the view was really pretty too! mountains and the ocean everywhere(: an utter rare sight in Singapore:( we walked around in the village, which surprisingly didnt have a lot of troopers this time round! yay us! anyway, i hope our prayers would be heard(: and there would be great things waiting for us in the near future! YAY!

on the way back to Hongkong, we made friends with this pair of Taiwanese mothers who looked damn young. at first, they didnt dare to talk to us, but when they found out that we could speak Chinese, they went: 'chey, 原来你们会说中文的啊.' they were really friendly and we chatted like we were long lost friends. seriously! then they kept asking us about places to go in Singapore. at first, i tried to make a attempt, but towards the end i gave up and told them: 不要来，算了. oh oh! we screamed upon proclaiming our love for KOI milk tea! we saw a couple making out on the hills with cable cars passing over them at the rate of 2 per minute. one word: BRAVE.

anyway, it was all shopping after that. basically, that was the objective of the trip. when it comes to shopping, i dont remember anything other than the charismatic faces of all the male shopkeepers. heh heh. i think in order to be a shopkeeper in Hongkong, you must be goodlooking. like freakin' seriously. (melts into a puddle of goo)

i was bitten by a cockroach at 7-11. Wan Ning saw it first and before i could look down, it was on my feet. FML. it was on my right slipper and it looked like it was part of the design. disgusting to the max. the shopkeeper wanted to chase it out, but a young little boy stomped on it once it got off me. for once, i'm proud of you troopers(:

the view from the place where we transfer our lift was breath taking! see, we lived on the 52nd floor, the first lift didnt go so high up, so we had to transfer lifts! so cool right? say yes. okay, basically our hotel was awesome(: remember L'Hotel Nina. it's a bit off from Hongkong city but since it's a new hotel, it aint that haunted, although i kept all the lights and teeveee on the whole night because i was i scared. however, i secretly think that the lobby is a base camp for ahtiongs, but honestly other than that, the hotel was GREAT(:

Day 5

yes, after waiting for 5 days, we were finally going to eat dim sum. we asked exactly 9 people, before we found an authentic dim sum restaurant. yes, 9 of them. on the first day, we asked a security guard, he directed us to a HIGH CLASS RESTAURANT. 4 siewmais costed $48 hkd. like what the hell. that's like $12 hkd for a siewmai which is approximately $2.20 sgd. hate to break it to him, but i rather eat a bowl of bakchormee with that. anyway, we must have our dimsum meal no matter what. so we asked this really friendly sales assistant in Sport.B. we chatted in Cantonese, yes call me imba. my cantonese is actually a mixture of chinese, cantonese and teochew. she directed us to Mongkok. then we asked this group of 5 security guards in Argyle Centre who directed us to Mongkok, Canton Road. so with only a map and 2 fantastic working brains, we embarked on our journey to find the restaurant. along the way, we asked 2 other security guards, in which one was amazed at our talent to speak Cantonese, i'm amused. when we found the restaurant, i think that was the happiest moment of the trip. ohgod. heavenly(:

did our 'last minute shopping' after breakfast. last minute meaning gifts not bought! hahahahaha, we are nice people luh! then it was back to Hongkong Airport(: sigh, i seriously didnt want to leave! i think 7 days would be enough, 5 days is a little too rush. we needed one more day for shopping and one more day for Disneyland(: perfect.

anyway, when i went back to the Disneyland shop in the airport, it brought back a lot of bad memories. i remembered picking up a bridal minnie pen and telling my mum that i was going to get it for a close friend of mine because she didnt believe in marriage nor love, and the pen might be a meaningful present to her. well, i thought wrong. little did i know that, when i came back to Singapore, i became the biggest joke of the century. life, is really a big joke. i'm glad i kept the pen for myself, because now i'm the one who doesnt believe in any of that bullshit. it's funny how some stuff always comes back to haunt you.

we saw the sun set on our way back to Singapore(:

actually, there's so much to blog about and if i allow myself to go on and on, i think the post will be longer than your toilet roll! hahahaha. okay, not funny! like i said i hate to say mushy stuff, but yes, KOOWANNING, thanks for the memories(: the rest are better left unsaid!

i got praised for my Cantonese by a shopkeeper and her customer. HAHAHAHAH, joke, when you hear me speak Cantonese, it's like the EAST meets the WEST. anyway, it made my day though(: they said i was smart! HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH. cannot take it.

okay, i spent a lot but i bought very little stuff because ... i bought a lot of branded goods:( i feel guilty saying this! hahahaha. it's okay though because i'm spending my hard earned money! Hongkong was the reason why i worked for 6 months. self consolation always works on me(:

PS: i think Hongkong is quite a nice place for honeymoon during WINTER(: although i still prefer Tibet hands down(: yes, i want to go to Tibet for my honeymoon. HAHAHAHAHHA. aiya, can/will get married then say luh!

PPS: i'm blogging this during WORLDCUP FINALS. can you tell how bored i am getting?! yanyi is grabbing my sleeve (help!) because it's the last 3 mintues. buddha bless her.

2010-07-04T01:42:00.005+08:00

hello Jessica, we meet again(: hilarious lunch at MFM(: and that woman is graduating next year while we are just starting this year. damnit, i'm jealous. LLBBBDD ftw!

btw, i hate Guitar Hero. i cannot coordinate, i never can anyway. damnit. i think it's a birth defect. i was born without the coordination cord. :(

in less than 6 hours time, i will be leaving for the airport. i've just bathed and i'm wide awake. in other words, i cant sleep. hmmm. it's okay, i can catch some sleep on the plane to HONGKONG. yes, finally out of Singapore for a week, okay maybe less, but it's better than nothing! can't wait, can't wait(: but then when i come back later next week, it would be back to reality and ~~closer to university life.~~ gosh, hate this feeling:( had it since work officially ended. it's so depressing and horrid, sometimes i just want to run away from all this shit. nevermind, shall deal with it when i get back. YES, I WILL ENJOY MYSELF TO THE FULLEST BEFORE REALITY HITS.

yes, Yanyi and i are leaving for HONGKONG on the same day, but we are not going together. she's going with her friend and i'm going with Wan Ning((: gosh, the whole world thinks that we are going together. no luh, i see her too much already, cannot take it. HAHAHAHAHAH, joking.anyway, i want to dedicate my appreciation towards Yanyi's endless support and belief in my quest of completion BP 1.0 and 2.0. so erm, THANKYOU YANYI! like i always said, if i were to write an IOU cheque for all that you have done for me, it wouldnt fit through the door frame. (okay, cannot take it, i must stop here). i hate cheesy speeches and i find it hard to say mushy stuff to people. i dont see a point in showing one's affection openly or publicly because it kinda blurs the intention at the end of the day. hmmm, to put it simply, i believe that actions speaks louder than words, dont say it, show it.

Otter passed away on Thursday. i think i killed it, unintentionally. basically, i killed it with my faith. i changed the tank water completely and i didnt add the powder thingy after i've changed the water. well, i thought since it was able to survive the first ordeal when my mum changed the tank water, it should be a survivor of a kind. yes, i was wrong. it's okay, i have zero fishes left and it's like having a burden lifted off my shoulders. i swear that i will never ever have any pets ever again, like FOREVER. not even Tamagotchi because it's an utter waste of money and time. quoted from my mum: 人都养不好了，还要去养鱼来做么？yeah luh, waste time, waste money and it's super sinful luh. i think my fish tank is haunted, 5 fishes died in it and 1 totally just vanished from the surface of the tank.

i've have found an awesome way to relieve anger. SHREDDING PAPER. oh god, it felt so good when i shredded all my JC test papers and notes. it's like erasing those horrible memories away, one by one. i spent the past 3 nights shredding papers till 2 am every single night. now i have 9 bags full of paper shreds sitting on my bed. i shredded everything that reminded me of horrible things that happened in JC. every single things. and it felt so goddamn awesome. eating PHISH FOOD/POTATO CHIPS, FANGIRLING AND SHREDDING PAPER at the same time is the best past time ever. PAPER SHREDDING MACHINE, I LOVE YOU WORXZXZXZXZ. that's only 4 bags, imagine 9 of those on my bed. gosh, i should open a paper shredding club or something!
just now, i went to Yanyi's house to watch soccer. i didnt want to go because soccer and Wei Ting just dont get each other. but my mum said that Yanyi was a nice friend, so i should be nice and go. no link right? i totally agree, but i went anyway. 10 minutes before the match, i didnt even know which countries were playing against each other, i just blindly followed Lyana and Yanyi home. Yanyi was wearing a blue shirt and white FBT which looks like baby diapers because she supported Argentina. Lyana was wearing a Germany shirt. See, my friends are really die-hard fans. and Sharron wore the exact same thing as Yanyi, but i think Sharron was as lost as i was. i didnt really register the match, i only registered that Germany scored 4 goals because half the time i was staring at the players' faces and making a lot of weird comments. and i remembered that one of the goal keepers was wearing yellow and the other was wearing grey, that's all, i dont even know who's from which country. hmmmm, i think i wont get invited to watch any soccer matches anymore. ah damnit.

today i wore a green tube dress and a brown adidas jacket to vocals. my jacket was zipped up and my dress was knee length. on the way home, my classmates asked me: 'Are you going clubbing after this, you looked like you are dressed up for it?' i stared at them, stunned. i told them i really dont club and i was going home after vocals. a look of disbelief fell across their faces. fmylife. i told Yanyi about the horrible incident, she patted me on my shoulders and said: 'i dont think it's the attire, i think it's the face.' thanks, that helped. double fmylife.

i think everyone in Singapore knows everyone in one way or another. Careen's piece of news came as a real shocker, but her reaction was the best of the best(: yes, i'm the best friend she was talking about. she said she slammed the table when she drew the links. ohmygod, if only i was there to video it down. given that news travels fast, i get it in the form of another MSN pep talk session BUT i would be in HONGKONG and no one can contact me(: nyeh! honestly, i cant control what my friends have to say about the issue and it's human nature for people to react this way, so DEAL WITH IT.

it's almost 3 and i'm not sleepy yet. hmmm. i think there's something wrong with me. i havent been on MSN, blog hopping and Facebook for almost a week. i dont know why but it suddenly struck me, why do i have to find out more about other people's lives when i cant live mine to the fullest at the moment? do i make sense? hmmm. i dont know, nothing appeals to me anymore.

wow. i love ranting, dont i?

PS: Hello awesome Baowen and Jiani! thanks for the awesome looking frame. even my mum thought it was very fitting(: hahahahah. btw, i want to go UBIN to cycle after i come back from HONGKONG.

2010-06-30T21:47:00.004+08:00

i need to stop feeling angry and frustrated cause it's bad for the body and it burns a hole in my pocket. just now, after quarrelling with my mum, i stormed out of the house to get a tub of Phish Food. i'm 1/3 way through it, and i plan to finish it later. it's Chocolate Ice Cream with Gooey Marshmallow, Caramel Swirls and Fudge Fish and it cost $12.50. because i'm still very angry, i dont think i can fall asleep tonight. i'm going to spend the whole night shredding worksheets and notes from VJ to vent my anger. i brought 10 black garbage bag and it's cost $2.50. my paper shredder just jammed on me, so i cant continue. i will clean my room tonight, because i cant sleep.

so why did we quarrel?
because i asked my brother to go and die. and why did i ask him to go and die, because he lied to me and i hate liars.
$15 for the phrase, go and die. i was born a winner.

yesterday, i accompanied my grandpa to his eye checkup again before we left the room, the doctor smiled at me and asked my grandpa: 'Is she your daughter?'. i told you i was born a winner.

if my fish was a human, i think it would outlive any living thing on Earth. it's living without food, clean water, freash air and companion, yet it has grown bigger. i think i'm seeing things, maybe there isnt even a fish in my tank. we are all born winners.

i'm amazed at my level of calmness while composing this blogpost despite Mt i'msofreakingpissed erupting in my body. yes, i'm definitely a winner.

2010-06-27T23:22:00.002+08:00

OMFGGGGGGGWTHHHHHH. FINALLY, I CAN STOP PAUSING THE VIDEO AT EVERY 10 SECONDS JUST TO READ AND UNDERSTAND THE CHINESE SUBTITLES. TUDOU, NI FAIL DA SHI JIAN. OHMYGOD, I SWEAR SUBBERS SHOULD GO TO HEAVEN. CANT BELIEVE MY EYES. YES. OMFGGGG.

2010-06-27T21:31:00.003+08:00

in an attempt to beautify this blog, i have upload an oh so awesome photograph of my current obsession(: oh god, i want to migrate to South Korea, like right now. i want to drop out of school and just live there for the rest of my life! okay, i'm joking but Yanyi says i never ever joke. hmmm. idk.

i dont know why, but my dad knows that i want to get married to a korean man in the future. HAHAHAHAHAH, maybe i do. he said to me: 'Out of 100 Korean men, 99 are MCP, are you sure you want to get married to one?' i felt like asking him, 'Are you sure i'm even getting married?' okay, that's beside the point. the point is, i fucking hate MCP. shit. there's goes my dream man. it's okay, maybe ParkJungMin is an exception! HAHAHAHAHAHHA. he seems gayish and a little weird in variety shows! i think he is an exception! -waves frantically to ParkJungMin and shouting 'PICK ME'! HAHAHAHAHAH. okay, i think i need to stop hallucinating! anyway, call me MRS PARK from now onwards. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. okay, stop.

i think rappers are cool. they dont need to care about pitch and tone, they just need to follow the beat. i want to be a rapper. HAHAHAHAH. joke. okay, Yanyi says i never ever joke. hmmm. go figure.

i've seen a lot a lot of university camps photos on facebook. fml, i dont know how am i going to survive through the camps. someone save me! how:( i'm so dreading August, i wish it will just disappear. how how how? ponning is an option but i dont want to be a total loner either. this shit just got real. i need a miracle and i kinda know what kind of miracle i'm talking about. okay, i need to stop whining. university life, i wish you would never ever come. get me out of here. please please please please. -thinking of it makes me feel sick. ohgod.

WE ARE GOING TO HONGKONG NEXT WEEK. YESYES. FINALLY OUT OF SINGAPORE (for 5 days)

yesyes, Wan Ning and i were planning our trip just now at Starbucks! we are going shopping, sightseeing, shopping, sightseeing and shopping! yay yay yay! we are going Macau too(: heh heh! i cant wait to shop till i drop after 3 months of restraining myself! 3 freaking month, 12 freaking weeks and 84 freaking days! I CAN FINALLY SHOP(: yes. hello life, you suddenly felt real. yes, i can speak Canto, i assume since i can fully understand it. so if you can understand, you can speak it too right? RIGHT! mai dong xi, chi dong xi, mai dong xi and pai zhao!

bp 2.0 will commence tomorrow. please do not fail on me. i need you to work so badly, you are simply my only way out. it sounds as if my life is falling apart luh. no luh, i just trying to pull it in place, the right place.

hmmm, i think people who are not involve should never have the right to comment or speak about the incident because you dont know what shit i've been through. sorry, i'm a petty person. i dont understand the meaning of forgive and forget after you've inflicted pain on me. i'm that dense.

okay, i'm feeling super unwell now. fml.

byebye.

i want to dream of ParkJungMin every night.

2010-06-26T00:48:00.005+08:00

when i turn 21 years old, i'm going to go for plastic surgery. yes, i said it. what's so bad about plastic surgery anyway? living in the 21st century, when the whole god damn world is superficial, it's kinda difficult to say the following sentence anymore: ' It's the inner beauty that matters, everyone is beautiful inside.' right. depends on which brand of bra and underwear you are wearing. as the saying goes, if you cant beat them, join them! plastic beauty forthewin(:

anyway, i think i look old for my age although my grandpa reassures me that our whole family looks younger than their age. he told me: 'it's in the family genes, look at me, i'm turning 78 soon and people still think i'm 6o plus.' that's my grandpa's favourite line! then he would go on listing more examples, like my mum, my aunt, my cousins and me. he thinks i look like a secondary school kid. ohgod, i actually believed him until last week. yes, last week, i brought my brother to the doctor's cause he was having a fever. the doctor was a really friendly lady, was. she was really kind, until she said: 'oh dear, so today you cant go to work luh, must look after him?' SHIT, i knew it, she thought my brother was actually my son. my son. my son. my son. i'm barely 20 years old and my brother is already 10 years old. ohgod, my son. my son leh. DO I LOOK THAT OLD? of course, i wouldnt go down without a fight. one minute later, while the doctor was writing my brother's medicine prescription, i said really loudly and clearly: 'OUR MUM wants 2 kinds of fever medicine'. from that moment onwards, she stopped all attempts in conversing with me. then 2 days ago, i accompanied my grandpa to the hospital for his eye operation. just as he went into the operation room, the nurse came up to me and said: ' your daddy will be done in 1 hour's time, come back 1 hour later.' your daddy. your daddy. your daddy. daddy. MY GRANDPA IS ALMOST 80 YEARS OLD and i'm barely 20 years old. YOUR DADDY. ohgod. from that moment onwards, i swear to sleep earlier, but sadly fail. before i know it, i might be getting botox at the age of 30. what the hell. and did i mention that when i went to Taiwan with my mum, 5, yes 5, shop keepers asked us if we were sisters. i swear, they werent sucking up to us cause we were already paying for our purchase. 5, yes 5. i'm only 19 years old, god damnit.

no wonder, my mum spent $120 on facial products for me. my mum is really thrifty but when it comes to facial products and health supplements, i swear she spends like a millionaire's wife. yes, so every night before i sleep, i have to apply 5 kinds of lotion onto my face. i go to bed feeling like a cake with tons and tons of icing on my face. i asked my mum if it's cause i'm too ugly and hence, she is compensating my complexion and she said it's cause i'm almost 20 years old. yes, that says a lot.

i'm impatient and i dont know how long i can go on like this. 8282! am i able to spare $8.35 every month? i dont know, it's more than that. i dont know if my mental strength can hold up for so long. how many must there be before i get what i want?

everyone thinks that i should stop liking idol groups cause i'm like some sort of curse to them. damnit. i secretly think so too. 1 month after i started liking 2 PM, Jaebum left the group. 1 week after i started liking SS501, their contract ended and i dont know what's going to happen. ohgod. nevertheless, parkjungmin is currently the love of my life((: -fangirly whirly screams. oh so charismatic and funny. heh heh!

anyway, i swear my internet connection is a bitch and i wish my videos would load faster. i have decided to stop reading other people's blogs and i dont like to go on Facebook anymore. the internet is real boring but, i'm on it 24/7. even MSN has lost it's appeal. i havent been online for a week. blogging is getting mundane too. i have decided to commit my time to fangirling (motivation) and practising (action). yes, i'm that serious.

-

2010-06-21T15:20:00.003+08:00

i swear fangirling is sinful and unhealthy, but deadly enjoyable! heh heh. havent been blogging for a week cause i was sick and of course, busy fangirling over my latest obsession, PARK JUNG MIN(: anyway, i am yes, UNEMPLOYED and loving every single minute of it. like ohmygod wonderful, but then this would mean that i'm nearer to the start of university life and damn, that wondeful feeling kinda just fade away immediately. ohwell, all i can do now is work hard and pray harder.

hmmm, i believe in it. i couldnt believe my eyes yesterday, it was too good to be true when my mum passed the slip of paper to me. in fact, i felt like crying. it's like after working hard for so long, i'm finally getting some sort of acknowledgment. i dont know how long it's going to take before it becomes a reality but, take my words, i'm going to keep trying till i make it work.

Cherie the fish is officially dead too. Basically, i only have one fish left in my tank and it doesnt eat. well, it feeds on algae so given that it has lost all of it ally, i dont know where i'm going to get algae for it. hahahahah and guess who killed Cherie the fish? MY MUM. ohgod, i didnt know about it till yesterday! apparently, my mum went to change my fish tank water without letting me know and given that she has no prior experience in doing so, she didnt leave 20% dirty water behind and she didnt add some powder thingy. sounds like a goner to you? definitely! at least i manage to keep them alive for ago 2 months! YAY, not. damn, it's so sinful. if not for the fact that the guys at work didnt want to clean the tank, i wouldnt have brought the fishes home. ohwell.

hmmmm, ever felt trapped and lost in the life you are living it. i've been feeling this way recently and oh god, it's horrible. i feel this sense of despair the strongest when i'm taking the public transport. around me, i see couples, office ladies and men, they are immense in a world of their own. the office ladies look tired from work, couples pdaing as usual (ohgod, i cannot stand it) and men, i dont really look at them. then i would question myself, is this the kinda life i want to be living for the rest of my life? then i start feeling trapped and lost. it's almost instanteous. i'm really not looking down on this people, but honestly, i'm freaking out everytime i take the train during peak hours. there's so much more to life then just getting a degree, getting a job, getting married, getting kids, getting a divorce (maybe, you never know), getting old and dying. i want to fulfill my dreams before it all becomes too late, but how? i try telling people about it and it doesnt work, cause people just simply dont understand how i feel. yes, they try to help by reasoning things out with me but i guess, my issues just go beyond that. no one can help me except for myself. sometimes, i feel that although people are being supportive and all, but that sense of belief was never there. it's okay, if i were to be in their shoes, i might find it hard to have faith in someone like me too. it's human nature, i guess. trust me, it's horrible being me.

damnit, i love it when people update about you. it's like joke sharing session! nice paragraph btw. gay shit. how i wish i could ctrl+c and ctrl+v it here! but, it's okay, i'm kinda nice. kinda.

one week after i start liking SS501, their contract with their management ends and they might go seperate ways, might. fuckmylife, seriously. hyy, thinks that i should stop liking kpop group because i'm like some sort of curse to them. damnit luh. shit, speaking of hyy, i'm suppose to meet her at the gym like now. okay okay, fml.

byebye!
marry me PARKJUNGMIN(: <3

2010-06-20T15:23:00.002+08:00

i need to get out of the house in 10 minutes, but i need to proclaim my undying love to my current obsession:

ohmygod, ohmygod and ohmygod! PARKJUNGMIN((: heh heh. (fangirly whirly scream fills the room) ohgoddd. chickennutbread.

2010-06-10T23:01:00.007+08:00

can you see it? can you? can right? can you tell that one similarity amongst the 4 of us? dude, it's like staring right at your face! i'm sure you can see it! okay, it isnt that obvious on Fannwong's face but it's there! look closer, okay not at my face, but the rest! you can see this striking and yet awesome similarity amongst all of us! can you see it?! heh heh! it's the ---

MOLE BELOW OUR RIGHT/LEFT EYEBROW

oh shit, i think i'm going to get shot for typing this but, i getting really bored at work so i googled: 'moles on face meanings' WORD FOR WORD. you see, i always knew the 3 stars had this 'striking' similarity with me, since i started living in dreamland denial. if you remember clearly, that was 7 years ago! anyway, i was really curious to find out what it means and ta-da:

'Position 6: A mole here indicates intelligence, creativity and skill as an artist. Your artistic talent can bring you wealth, fame and success. It also indicates wealth luck, but this can only be fully realized if you follow your heart rather than stick to conventional means of making a living. Success will come if you are brave. '

muhahahahahahahah. somebody slap me! muhahahahah. oh gosh, it's insomnia night again. well, i was literally prancing on cloud 90, until i scroll down the damn page. check out position 7:

'Position 7: Moles under the eyebrows indicate arguments within the extended family that cause you grief and unhappiness. This will affect your work and livelihood. It is advisable to settle any differences you have with your relatives if you want peace of mind to move ahead. '

and if you look real closely, erm my mole is actually UNDER my eyebrow. whatthefugu. yes, xyz ttm luh. BUT THEN, i went to the toilet to confirm since my heart was beating at the rate of 200 times/minute, with rage and disappointment, i realised that it's on my eyebrow because i shaped (okay, facial auntie) my eyebrows upwards. HEH HEH. get it? so it's position 6 afterall((: hello dream, here i come lezxzxzxz worzxzxzzxzz. yay!

okay, i just joking, i dont really believe this kinda stuff. (readers: stare in disbelief; yes that's your cue). okay, i kinda dont want to believe this kinda stuff because i believe that my fate lies in my own hands. i dont like it how adults always like to make it sound like our fates have already been set, that kinda thing. i mean, life is full of choices and decisions, i dont really think it's possible to end up on the same road with each decision and choice i make in my life. it's like playing snake and ladders. granted that the final destination is the last box on the board game, there are so many different routes to that final box. the number on the dice differs with each throws, just like how our choices and decisions differ with each turn of events. to put it simply, it all boils down to me, my choices/decisions and maybe the environment/situation we are in. yes? do i make sense here? yeah, you get me? (readers: nod, but minds refuse to function; yes yes that's your cue too) so yes, no doubt it's fun to go for fortune telling sessions and such, but i believe ultimately we are the ones who decide how our lives would turn out to be! as cliche as it sounds (mind you, i hate saying cliche stuff), but yes, your stinkin'/sparkling future is in your hands. right!

i'm feeling really angsty today so i think it's more appropriate if i attempt to blog some sense, if not i will end up bitching about 'you know, i know, we all know'. yesyes, i'm holding it back! in fact, i have held it back for super duper long and it's building up. no wonder, i was feeling crappy today. day after day, it never fails to come back and haunt me. it's okay, maybe another day.

goodnight and dont let you conscience bite, cause i doubt it will ever let go, ever. (insert a fake smiley face)

xoxo.

2010-06-09T00:25:00.007+08:00

it's really late and i'm tired, but i dont dare to sleep cause when it's all quiet and i'm alone, i will start thinking about a lot of stuff. it's get really mentally draining and hence, i get insomnia.

currently, i'm really worried about this thing that i'm doing which i dont feel comfortable typing it here. y'know, i'm starting to think that believing in yourself just isnt enough to get you anywhere. these past few days of 'preparation' have been full of setbacks, i'm starting to think that i put the set in back! get it, get it? no? me neither. anyway, each time when i'm met with shit load of trouble, i tell myself that, if i cant even get past these mini screw ups, i dont deserve a chance. but, sometimes, it just gets so frustrating that i think i should stop being so naive and hopeful. just what kind of life do i want to live? i'm 19 years old and very lost. yay me.

btw, another one of my fishes died, yes Merlion wannabe AKA Merlion was found dead at the exact same spot as Rainbow! so that leaves Cherie (yes, we named it after her) and Otto the winners of Survivor: WeiTing's Stinkin' Fish Tank. hmmm, to continue with my attempt to cultivate animal acceptance, i have started a farm. -winks. and this time round, no one dies because it started a farm in RANCH RUSH. woohoo! whatthehell.

i'm tired and i still dont dare to sleep.

i dont like to bump into familiar faces in the toilets. it gets really awkward and weird, like i dont know what to say to the person. for example, if i bump into my friends on the streets, i would say ' Eh, what are you doing here?' it kinda starts a conversation proper. BUT, how am i suppose to ask someone who i know the same question in the toilet?

'Eh, what are you doing here?'

'Erm, i came here to erm, pee.'

'Erm, right. hmmmm. (awkward silence, while i try damn hard to continue the conversation) nice symphony you were making in the cubicle just ~'. (oops)

'&*&%$*&%*$^%*$^%*^&_7^*^*^*)'

right, so no that's not the way it should go and hence, i hating bumping into familiar faces in the toilet.

okay, i'm really tired.

what's the difference between hiding your face and covering part of your face? no difference. well then, f my life.

2010-06-06T23:32:00.002+08:00

this scene officially made my day. ohgod, Reid you cant get cuter than this(:

PS: the thought that i'm currently breathing the same air as SUPERJUNIOR, makes me hyperventilates.

2010-06-02T22:19:00.003+08:00

RAINBOW IS DEAD. it was DOA (dead on arrival), meaning when i walked into my room, it was already in the 'sunny side up' position, you get me? i bet it was the fish that ate Tinkerbell, i bet it died from constipation. HAH! take that! anway,my mum is really noble! she's clearing its body now while scolding me for bringing them homeeee! dang! fish luh!

nowadays, it's so quiet at work, i secretly think that EH and Cheryl's Cherie is communicating through telepathy and leaving me out of their conversation! everyone is so focused with their 'work', nobody speaks anymoreeee! and i dont know when i should quit! it's either next Friday or next Thursday. dang!

i want to slack the rest of my holidays away! basically, i think i'm digging my own grave cause i'm not signing up for any university camps. i'm finding it harder and harder to socialise with people as i grow older. or maybe it's cause i'm running away from the fact that university is starting in 2 months time. if living your life means doing things that you are passionate about, then i guess i've never been alive. i dont know, if i look back, it seems as if i've only started living my passions recently, going for dance classes and vocals. yes, it seems as if i've wasted my life away. for the past few years, i've been aimlessly following my mind, rather than my heart. there's so many things i want to undo, it kinda scares me if i will live the rest of my life in regrets as well. that's why i want my dream to come true so badly because there's no other thing i rather do and i dont want this to be another regret too. i go to work everyday and i come home feeling scared. i'm worried that one day i would become one of those office ladies, i'm not saying they are bad or anything, but it just aint the life i want to be living. i dont want to stare at the computer screen from 9-6 everyday only to go home and stare at pile of housework waiting to be doneee. i dont want to live my life like a template:

wake up, settle the morning chores, settle the brats, rush my brats to school, squeeze into a MRT carriage and compete for a seat (not priority seats though since i dont want to appear 0n STOMP at the age of 40), reach workplace, eat breakfast, gossip (the only thing to look forward to; bitchy at the age of 40, i like), start work, meet my destiny: my computer screen, countdown to lunch, go to lunch, look for 'prime' seats a.k.a a seat that actually exist, in the hawker centre, go back to work and continue my adventurous hike into the monitor screen, attempt to stay awake by applying medicated oil (what i find smelly now might be heavenly 20 years down the road) countdown to 6pm, charge into another MRT carriage, fetch my brats from god-knows-where, reach home to cook dinner (edible, hopefully), shout at my brats for not studying/bathing/replying me, wash their stinkin' clothes, eat dinner, husband missing from dining table (god damnit, he must be having an affair), clear the table and wash the dishes, bathe at 10pm, put my brats to bed (finally) before retreating into a deeeeeeep coma of my own with my husband, not found.

yes, a beautiful life, isnt it? i dont want to be living like that. i've been telling my mum all about my dream since i was 13 years old ( you guessed it, i've been dreaming for 7 years) and last week, for the first time, she took me seriously and said: "If you are set on following your passion, then you will have to give up the thought of making big bucks in the future". right. you cant have the best of both worlds, can you? and given that my dream is so freaking unrealistic, it just makes everything 10 times worse. hmmm. i dont know, i just really worried about my future. i want to be well off, definitely but most importantly, i want to be happy with my life. actually, given an opportunity to pursue my passion, i would stop schooling immediately because going to school has always been a chore to me. yes, it would be a risk and i would end up penniless, but i would do anything to give it a try. but that's if an opportunity comes knocking on my door and if you guys didnt know, i'm never that lucky. never. i just think i need a hell lot of luck to keep my dreams alive.

i dont know what you might think after reading this paragraph, some of you might be laughing your heads off thinking, what's wrong with this kid. hmmm, i dont blame you because i believe everyone of you laughed at me at a certain point of time when i told you about my dreams. it's just a matter of how well you hid it, that's all. basically, i'm a joke without trying to be one, but this time round i aint giving up because, i dont want to be a joke for the rest of my life.

:S

2010-06-01T20:37:00.002+08:00

hello Saturday, can you come faster? i'm feeling really uneasy and tensed at the moment. it's the final stage, i need it to work, like brilliantly, like marvellously, like ohmygod-cannot-fail-ly. pretty pretty please!

2010-05-30T23:09:00.002+08:00

ohmygod, now i know why there isnt INKIGAYO! they are broadcasting DREAM CONCERT 2010(: KpopGivesMeHope. like a lot of hope(:

2010-05-30T22:31:00.002+08:00

one of my fishes just disappearred without a trace. i know i hate animals, but i'm feeling really upset over it. this is so depressing, Tinkerbell (yes, it's name), where are you? my mum told me it's most probably eaten by the other big fishes. it's a fish eat fish world indeed.

i just took 2 full days leave to accomplish 'big things'. i pray hard that everything will turn out fine and i wouldnt disappoint myself again. please make it work, pretty pretty please. :S on the other hand, i officially hate Good Person. if i were to listen or sing it ever again, i think i will go bonkers with a capital B. i think Wan Ning and Yanyi feel the same way too, poor kids! not 100% satisfied, but i think i did my best. boohoo luh.

yesterday, Yanyi and i fangirled till 4 am in the morning and we woke up at 3 pm today. we had breakfast at 4 pm. it's almost 11 pm and i am WIDE awake. given that i always get insomnia on Monday nights, i think tonight is going to be a long depressing night.

why isnt there INKIGAYO tonight? i have refreshed my youtube homepage for gazillion times and nothing! i need my daily dosage of Kyuhyun immediately. ohmygod luh. and i have just watched this really emotional and heart wrenching episode of Criminal Minds Season 5.

this is turning out to be a real depressing night. somebody, save me:S

fish, where are you? fish luh.

2010-05-27T23:47:00.008+08:00

(plays Disturbia in the background)

i'm really disturbed. no, i dont have voices in my head (whispered) and if i do, it's most probably my own singing. recently, i'm really disturbed by things i've heard/seen and experienced. hmmm. i'm disturbed in the sense that these matters stay in my mind for a very long time and never go away. i ponder over these issues day in, day out and because i can't obtain the politically correct answers, i become really disturbed.

1. "Hey, you club right?"

i get really disturbed when people ask me that question. yeah yeah, i club a lot, like duh. in secondary school, i Media Club-ed and in junior college, i Outdoor Activities Club-ed and recently, i loser club-ed. right. yeah, and my night life is damn happening, if i want to experience the liberal western culture, i go to something called Criminal Minds and when i'm in for taste of Asia, i engage in something called Korean Pop fangirling. my laptop can even flash different colour lights and sometimes, it will even blackout. super cool effects, just like the dance floor.

no, i don't. i dont know, maybe it's the way i present myself to others that leaves such an impression. dont get me wrong, i'm not saying it's bad, i just saying it's not my kind of activity(: i prefer to spend a peaceful and quiet night with Kyuhyun, Heechul, Yuri and the whole BAU team from the FBI in Virginia .

2. i'm putting on weight, again.

2008

2009

if i dont watch what i'm eating, i think 2008 will be my new best friend since 2009 has mysteriously disappeared. triple chin, tennis ball sized cheeks and non existence eyes. like ohmygod. i have jigglypuffs under my tummy now and they reside in a house called fats. all day long these jigglypuffs will just keep jiggling and wiggling as i walk around Singapore. ~~project chocolate abs~~ was epic fail cause i feel too tired to workout after work. of course, i'm disturbed, wouldnt you be if you have pokemons residing in your body? i swear, once i quit my job, i will work out and make sure i have abs like Yuri. soon soon(:

'gotta catch 'em all, POKEMON.'

3. they have completed puberty, i haven't and we are around the same age. right.

when she does it, she looks like a million bucks. when i do it, it's like neck cramps and constipation ftw! all in 'awe', it's epic epic fail fail fail D:

i can go on and on if possible, but i have decided that being disturbed is good enough, i shouldnt disturb people's awesomeeee long weekend. but like i've said, the list goes on.

i feel disturbed when couples PDA next to me in a crowded train. i feel disturbed when i go to the toilet in the morning and the occupied toilets are quiet as hell. i feel disturbed when my brother recites to me the names of all the presidents in Singapore in chronological order. i feel disturbed when the hairdresser guessed that i was 20 plus years old when i'm only 19 years old. i feel disturbed when no one dares to sit next to be on the bus or MRT because i have this 'aura' around me. i feel disturbed when i'm always attacked by salesman/woman/elderly of all products (credit cards, insurance, facial cream, tissue packets and $1 biscuits), you name it, i have it. i feel disturbed when i'm blogging about feeling disturbed and am feeling disturbed at the same time.

this is a disturbing post. yes, disturbingly indeed.

LOVE; the disturbed one. xoxo.

2010-05-26T21:36:00.004+08:00

i just spent 45 dollars on a haircut. no, i didnt leave out a decimal point.

out of despair and shock, i phoned my mum and asked her how much she paid for her haircut on Saturday given that she went to the same hairdresser. she told me: '26 dollars'. winner. i asked her why my haircut was so expensive, she said: 'because i'm cuter than you'. double winner.

i've listened to Good Person so many times, i think i'm going to be a good person soon. greater the effort, greater the disappointment? yeah, i'm well aware of that but, am i prepared for it? hmmm.
actually, i dont feel comfortable telling anyone about it. it makes me look like a big, fat joke.

2010-05-25T23:39:00.001+08:00

i want it so bad, it scares the hell out of me.

2010-05-24T21:27:00.004+08:00

today my brother came home and told my mum some idiots in his daycare centre werent being nice to him. given that my brother is spawny and short (if he was darker, he would blend right in with kids living in the Sahara dessert), i believe that it makes him a very eligible target for bullies. however, that doesnt make it acceptable in any way. i argued with my mum because she wouldnt let me go to the daycare centre to talk things out with these brats (i would rather call them 'things'). yeah, i know i'm always complaining about Eugeneirritatinggoh on my blog but he is my brother afterall and because he is not around, i need to be the one there for him. i want to let him know that there's nothing wrong with being who he is and if people are out to make your life difficult, you make theirs 10 times worse (shit, now i sound like a bitch). okay okay, given that there's no room for tolerance and understanding. ohgod. poor kid. but it's okay, i give him a 10 minutes lecture on how to tackle bitches and bastards, i've got his back! go go go Eugeneadorablegoh!

FOCUS AND HAVE FAITH. because one day, i will get there, i know i will.

so maybe he's right.
but it should just stop there because i dont want history to repeat itself ever again.
just play along and soon it will be over.

2010-05-22T21:40:00.007+08:00

when the water level of my tank dropped, the first thing that came to my mind was, my fishes must be drinking the water cause they were living things afterall. dumb, i know. then i realised my whole table was soaking wet. the culprit became clear. stupid merlion wannabe.

i hate animals, but i have pet fishes. what a big fat irony. ooh, apparently that are different names for phobias of different animals. cool stuff! i heart wikipedia(:

Ailurophobia – fear/dislike of cats.
Apiphobia – fear/dislike of bees
Arachnophobia – fear/dislike of spiders.
Chiroptophobia – fear/dislike of bats.
Cynophobia – fear/dislike of dogs.
Entomophobia – fear/dislike of insects.
Equinophobia – fear/dislike of horses
Herpetophobia - fear/dislike of reptiles.
Ichthyophobia – fear/dislike of fish.
Musophobia – fear/dislike of mice and/or rats.
Ophidiophobia – fear/dislike of snakes.
Ornithophobia – fear/dislike of birds.
Scoleciphobia – fear of worms.

all in all, i have;
Zoophobia – a generic term for animal phobias.

balls of feathers and furs! i used to get chased by dogs a lot when i lived in Perth. birds are always shitting on my head and giving me baddd luck for the rest of the year. cats are always hiding in dark corners of my corridor and sprinting out suddenly when i unlock my door. my neighbourhood was rats infested until i called the town council last year. urgh. honestly, the last place i want to be in would be a pet shop or Jurong Bird Park. like disgusting with a capital DDDD! and and and, animal lover isnt equivalent to being demure, caring and lady-like! i can be very caring, demure and lady-like too (beams) if i want to.

ohgod, i think superjunior rocked their performance at musiccore today! and 1.42-1.47 is still my favourite:D i used to fangirl a lot last year and that partially explains the outcome of my alevels results. but, fangirling is seriously addictive ttm. it's like once you start, you cant stop. maybe one day, your younger siblings or cousins would start fangirling meeeeeee. HAHAHAHAHAHHAAH. i know you cannot take it but i had to type it out. -fangirly whirly scream fills the air!

this weekend is really uneventful. i didnt go anywhere except for lesson. but it's okay, i have big plans to accomplished. MAKE IT WORK BITCH, MAKE IT WORK! yes, hwaiting(: i just hope i wouldnt lose faith that easily this time round because i am definitely getting old D: get me out of this place now!

my colleagues dont act their age, they are 21 years old but they act like they are 2+1 years old. they throw staple bullets at me when they are bored. my desk and chair are filled with staple bullets. just yesterday, they've found a new way to relive their boredom, they have upgraded and yes, they are throwing paper planes at me now. just because i have a desire to work at a child care centre, i dont situational tests. 21 years old and stupid. kids these days, sigh.

ohh, did you know that the chinese translation for fuck is 他妈的. hahahah. hyy and i was bored, so we started fooling around with GOOGLE translate and yeah, i got curious. i learnt the italian, german, spanish and french translation too. HAHAHAHAHHAH. exotic right? (:

i hate this feeling of uncertainty, but it's okay. i believe-

here's a story to share:

i was feeling really down and was in great despair. i felt hopeless and i kinda lost faith in life. my days were bleak and i, sometimes, even found it hard to breathe. to a certain extent, life was getting meaningless and dull. i could no longer see that spark in my life. one day, i had lunch with an old friend of mine, i stared right into her eyes and asked her: ' if what goes around, comes around, how come nothing has happened yet?' there was a moment of silence in which our eyes made contact. her noodles were halfway down her throat, and my fishball was disintegrating in my mouth. she cleared her throat and said: ' the fact that he's fat and ugly, i think it's already karma'. i stared at her in awe and at that moment melodious music started playing in the background. i saw the light and the birds were chirping merrily. life felt real for once. FriendsGiveMeHope.

hmmmm, let's say it's 20% non-ficitional and 80% an imagination. HAHAHHHHHAHA. no harm intended (inserts smiley face)

Criminal Minds is calling out for me.

2010-05-20T22:46:00.002+08:00

CHICKEN NUT BREAD. ohgod. because of his ohsoawesome existence, my itouch keeps on playing 1:42-1:47 of BONAMANA. yes, that's where he sings: Listen girl (i like you) Baby girl (i love you). given my ohsoavivid imagination, i pretend that he is singing it to me, emphasis should be on 'singing it to me' and not 'pretend'. i have watched that mere yet empowering 5 seconds at least 50 times on my itouch. and i have watched the 3 live performances so many times, i think i can replay them in my dreams. ohmygod. he's so charming, i cannot take it. love the hair, love the face, love the man(: -fangirly whirly squeals fills the room.

from now on, i live for every Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights.

CHO KYUHYUN! -fangirly whirly squeals fills the room again.

2010-05-20T21:01:00.001+08:00

ohmygod, i find this musicvideo so funny. i couldnt stop laughing. it's so cliche! hahahahaahahahah and cheesy. BUT, i like(: BUT BUT, why the hell does Yuri look so slutty in it? why cant she apply her own suntan lotion? ohgod. and why does the camera gravitate towards her hips and ass only? ohgod. and what's the most frustrating thing about musicvideo? well. the 3 'oh-so-freaking-hot' girls are around my age, BUT if i were to stand next to them, i would look as if i just started PUBERTY. like ohmygod. i fail, miserably.

'Tell us how badly do you want it?'

'I want it so bad, you cannot imagine what i'm willing to go through just to achieve my dreams.'

2010-05-16T01:13:00.008+08:00

i came across this in my archive; and i couldnt stop laughing. ohgod, things we used to do. y'know, i miss doing crazy things with LLBBBDD and having a good laugh after the initial madness dies down.

those were the days when i did things without thinking about how people would think of me, which was pretty stupid. nowadays, i feel so self conscious. i just want to faded into the crowd and be quiet because i dont want to be talked about. i am constantly worrying if people are talking about me. this feeling is horrible and it wouldnt go away. everyday, i feel so vulnerable and uncomfortable. if i could re-live my 4 years in Cedar, i would have done a lot of things differently. oh well, talk is cheap. i shall be a nicer and more tolerant person from now onwards. talk is cheap. i will not show my dislikes and likes to openly. talk is cheap. i will appreciate those around me and be a better friend to all. talk is cheap. i will not take anyone for granted. talk is cheap. i will treat my friends the way i want to be treated. talk is cheap. argh, fuck you luh talk, stop being so cheap then.

i dont want to grow up :C

nevertheless, these photos brings back a lot of memories. those were the days when Yanyi had a cult of her own, when Alicia's hair was growing backwards, when Wan Ning was exploding with cuteness, when Sharron had a neighbouring cult, when Lyana was my partner in crime, when Jessica was falling for older men and when i was a bitch with a capital B. awwww.

but i would never un-do the fact that LLBBBDD came about because these are the most awesome people i have ever met C: yes, we will celebrate everyone's birthday from now onwards, soompa.

LOVE.

2010-05-13T23:05:00.001+08:00

(jaws dislocates while screaming Heechul and Kyu)

ohgod.

2010-05-13T01:08:00.005+08:00

my pet fish aspires to be the merlion, it stands on its tail all the time. i find it super hilarious and yet, worried because i dont know how to break the news to it that there's only two Merlions in Singapore and three is definitely a crowd.

actually, no luh, i secretly think that its dying and it's standing up cause the lower fins dont work anymore. oh man, that would be the second fish to see the light and cross over. the humiliation, urgh!

i think my life is full of humiliations, like if i were to right a book about them, i think it would come in series. Series 1: The Arriving Joke, followed by Series 2: Her First Fall and maybe Series 3: The Paperbag- her world. in fact, i have also thought of how the front cover would look like; Series 1 would have a Pelican carrying an empty baby bundle with its beak cause the baby has fallen off, Series 2 would have a baby falling into a mud puddle and Series 3 would have a person's head with a paperbag over it. PERFECT. okay, yes i know you get my point but, i like it when my blog entry gets graphical too(:

okay, what i am driving at is that i have so many embarrassing moments, they always fill my mind when i am alone, you know like a videotape in my head (DVDs are too high technology for my head atm) replaying those scenes again and again. like ohmygod, it gets so bad sometimes i would cringe in embarrassment, yes, it's as if i am re-living the moments one by one. like how he just told everyone that i wasnt suppose to be one of them, like how i sang so horribly on that very night in front of so many human beings and how i did so badly for generalpaper when i told my relatives that it's supposedly my best subject. the list goes on and i wish it would just stop somewhere, like ohgod. i dont know, i think it has something to do with the fact that i have issues letting go things that have happened in my life, be it big or small. they just keep hanging around and haunting me everytime i am alone. urgh, i just think it's so tiring to be me sometimes, like my brain never ever gets a rest and i think i will get so sick of thinking one day, it will just shut down on me and i will become 20 years old Stupid Goh Wei Ting.

okay, i have to admit, some humiliating moments are funny, and worth reminiscing like how i was testing out this perfume in Hong Kong and my brother said very loudly in front of the sales assistant: '哇，你的鼻孔很大，我看不下去了，我去找妈咪'. given that the sales assistant understood what he said, it was definitely humiliating, but it was funny at the same time cause, first of all, I ADMIT THAT MY NOSTRILS ARE A TAD WIDER THAN NORMAL HUMAN BEINGS and two, my brother sounded so coherent for the first time in his life. i just wish more of such embarrassing moments would take place, rather than those that make me cringe in disgust and wish that i was never born into this world. damn, i think i need a lesson on how to let go of certain issues, although some things are meant to stay with you for the rest of your life.

yeah, to speak it in improper english: you know ah, it is like damn tiring to be me loh, can die one leh. i also buay tahan liao. die luh.

no, i am not suicidal, in fact, if you read carefully, my tone isnt even depressed. i just want to let the world know that i am freakin' tired. there's always so many things to ponder over and so many people to bear grudges against. i dont know what's wrong with me, but deep down inside i know something has got to go. i will try(:, but some things or even people are going no where.

and did i tell you how much i love CRIMINAL MINDS? a day without it makes me uneasy and angsty all over, it's like i am addicted. i love each and every character in the show.

hotch rossi gideon REID morgan prentiss jj garcia elle

like ohmygod, i am freakin' obsessed it's scaring me sometimes, ah who cares. and although the story structure gets pretty repetitive, i still love the way the scriptwriters puts a twist in all of the episodes. like you kinda think that things are going to turn out this way, but in actual fact the show takes a U-turn and something even cooler happens. and i enjoy watching the family love shown by the characters in the shows, like how they kinda learn about life together. and and and, how it always makes me wonder if all of us are capable of becoming psychopaths when we hit our breaking points in life, lose all our senses and become blinded by hatred and angst. or whether it's a question of nutured vs nature that causes a person to turn into a killing machine. and the random facts over things around us added to the show makes me want to learn more about everything around me. it makes me want to pick up a non fiction book instead of a novel off the library shelf and just read about the world because it made me realise there's so much out there to learn about! the main point is: WATCH CRIMINAL MINDS DAMNIT((: i secretly hope someone can watch it and discuss all the episodes with me.

it's 2am and i am not sleepy. whatthehell.

SUPER JUNIOR NEWEST SONG IS (jaws dislocates). Heechul has more lines and he is in the whole musicvideo (jumps for fun and laughter, peace and joy) i cannot breathe. i like weird guys because they are charismatic enough to pull off the quirkiness. you can be weird but yet uber cool, or you can be downright weird and be labelled a freak.

i have a craving for Thaiexpress and Pepper Lunch. She-man has it too, we are finally agreeing on something! hah! and guess who agreed to helpe me get all 111 episodes of Criminal Minds? hahahahahahahahahahahahah. i can watch Criminal Minds again and again, ohmygodddd:D

The belief in a supernatural source of evil is unneccessary. Men alone are quite capable of every wickedness.

-Joseph Conrad.

and you have certainly proved it's point.

2010-05-11T00:08:00.003+08:00

sometimes, dont you just wish that your family members would be more supportive of your dreams? just because it goes against social norms, all my aspirations are deemed unacceptable. so when exactly do my interests and passion get taken into consideration? never, i suppose. right, it's all part and parcel of growing up here, i guess.

when i was a kid, my mum asked me to choose between ballet and drawing lessons. i told her, art and craft lessons because i found ballet was too girly for me back then. if i were to write a book on the biggest mistakes of my life, i think this would probably be the first chapter. kids are really idiots, i swear.

work has been alright nowadays:D just the same mundane stuff to complete with a few laughter here and there. i have 36 more working days to pull through. yes, i will get there:D because my aspirations and Hongkong trip are keeping me strong. time seems to be passing really fast now and before i know it, work would be over and done with. yes, i will hang in there. note to self: never get a 9-5 job ever again unless you are desperate.

sometimes, it makes me wonder why some people just have it all while others are struggling so hard to fight for what they deserve. it makes me wonder whether it's all a matter of prospectives or some people are just born lucky. i dont know, i kinda think it's the latter. but who am i to say right? afterall, i dont know their dirty little secrets either.

(leaves abruptly given that i have ran out of things to say)

Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong, no matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always gotten there first and is waiting for it.
-Terry Pratchett.

i hope you find your darkness one fine day.

2010-05-06T22:59:00.002+08:00

I WILL/MUST/ CAN GET OVER IT!
fuck luh, but it's super duper epic loser cum failure cum embarrassing to the max D: eeyer, 去死啦。
okay, enough said.

2010-05-04T22:20:00.004+08:00

because i cant stand shrinking responsibility, i ended up with this in my room:

it's okay, the remaining fishes are my responsibility and i will take good care of them:D because i was the only one who wanted fishes in the office. right. i guess i really held a pistol to everyone's forehead and forced everyone to get a fish each. it's okay, i'm cool:D let's just hope the curse doesnt hold cause according to my mum, no fishes have survived under the 'tender loving care' of my family. but i like my tank, the sand and the water plant more than i like the fishes. hmmmm. if my fishes survive past the first week, i will get more fishes! but my filter seems to be too big for my tank, the whole tank is vibrating and the fact that my guppies like to stick to the side of the tank, they are vibrating too. :O ohgod.

today, i tortured Cherie by reciting everything i have learnt about Criminology to her. hmmm, why can't they just offer Criminology as a course on it's own in Singapore? D: yes, i guess it all boils down to limited career opportunities again D: it's okay, i'm cool with it. not.

i think tolerance is something i lack very much. i need to build up my tolerance towards people around me. i havent been that good at tolerating people since god-knows-when and my mouth would often shoot off like a bullet train once i can't take the situation anymore. that's bad, i know and given that this is a superficial world, it's just better to keep everyone happy and merry:DD so yes, i will/must/can learn to be more tolerant. actually, i get a little disturbed when friends say this to me: 'WeiTing, i am so glad i am your friend.' okay, hold it right there, they didnt mean it in the 'let's get emotional' kinda way, but rather the ' i am your friend and hence thank god, i am not your foe' kinda way, so yesh, it's bad. i dont know, i often laugh it off but in my mind i would be thinking, oh shit did i go overboard this time round? i dont know, i like speaking my mind but, i guess it aint that healthy at the end of the day. i will tolerant whatever nonsense thrown at me from now on! alright friends, bring it on and i swear i will be patient:DD secretly, i kinda think work would be a very good practicing ground. yes, it aint that bad afterall:D it's okay, i'm cool. really.

i have this vast amount of detest towards MCP. i dont know why, but i really get very agitated and irritated when i am communicating with one. i can get super frustrated even when their faces flash past my mind. i dont know, i just cannot stand it at all. like not even the tiniest bit of it. and if i am interacting with one, i will be super determined and even attempt to put in a great amount of effort just to prove that whatever he says/does/thinks is wrong because MCP are always so insistent that they are right. ohmygod, i dont even think i have put that much effort in studying for my Alevels luh. shitzxzxzxzx, i am doomed to spinsterhood. ohmygod, am i weird? please say no.

something is wrong with me today, i swear. i am just ranting for the sake of ranting.
hmmm.

2010-05-03T22:30:00.001+08:00

(jaws drops open)

2010-05-03T21:16:00.003+08:00

omg, i know blogging about this would make me sound very perverse, but i find this super funny. shit, maybe i am pervertic. thinking about it makes me want to laugh real bad. i was laughing to myself on the MRT, then the man nearby stared at me. shitzxzxzxzx.
me: eh Cherie, do you on air con when you sleep at night? (i swear i was being random)
Cherie: no.
She-man: 你睡觉有开aircon吗？
Eh: Master bed(room)
She-man: masturbate?
Eh: (silence)
She-man: 我问你有没有开aircon，你为什么跟我讲你有没有masturbate?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA, if you dont find it funny, i think there's really something wrong with me cause i am still laughing. omg, i find it disturbing that i find it funny, and the others have stopped laughing a few minutes after. hmmmm.

i have a secret desire to chop my legs off! running on Sunday and Jazz on Monday is a very bad combo. ohmygod, i dont even think i can walk properly tomorrow. maybe, i cant walk to work and then-(hehheh)

I AM REALLY CONFUSED RIGHT NOW. SHOULD I GO?
fml.

i like the poem under my name over there. i like the imagery it forms in my head. it somehow reminds me of my childhood in Australia. yes, there's isnt a link between the poem and my experience in Perth, but the imagery in my mind seems to stem from my life there. i dont know how to explain it. it's this really queer feeling when i first heard the extract of the poem, and that feeling kinda sink it. in my mind, i kept on seeing a lighthouse and the ocean that i visited back when i was a kid. actually, i really want to visit Perth again, but i dont think the chance is going to come anytime soon given that i am already going to Hongkong. hmmm, lighthouse and ocean, very strange indeed but i like:D one day i will return to Perth with a DSLR, travel to the outbacks and capture all the beautiful scenery that i saw when i was a kid! yes, one day:D

it's been 5 months, i never knew i had the ability to do something like this:O

PS;
愛是對的錯的是我們
還沒學會愛就急著愛人而愛錯人
可是愛就對了遇到下一個
愛上就愛了痛苦或快樂都是我的

how apt.
i like lyrics that speaks my mind.

2010-05-02T02:40:00.004+08:00

i really didnt want to blog about this, but i had to.

i wake up every morning wishing that it's not 7:00am yet. when i realise that living in denial is futile, i attempt to feel sick. i touch my forehead, squeeze my tummy and check the mirror to identify any visible swelling. when that fails, i knew my fate was sealed, another 9 hours to be spent infront of the laptop, another day of being at the receiving end of destructive and repetitive comments (not sure what i should call it, actually). i dont know which is making me dread work more, the work itself or the environment, but i do know that both are getting on my nerves. i dont know, it happens to me all the time, but i dont want to get used to it because i have a choice. i mean, if it's funny, sureeee bring them on, i would gladly laugh along, i mean it somehow brightens up the day right? but if it's just repetitive and mentioned for the sake of, i dont know, reinforcing a habit(?), i had say it's pretty destructive. it kinda blurs out what's real and what's not. like i dont know what to believe anymore, and that self esteem of mine just hits all time low. yes, it's funny but i dont want to be treat differently and i wanted to be respected too. and it isnt funny when you are trampling on people's self esteem just to attain entertainment. of course, it's my fault too. maybe, in order to gain that respect from people, i should stop doing things that give people opportunity to exploit their comments on. i should stick to working strictly, right. and most importantly, giving people my trust. i never should have told anyone anything cause you never know when they will use it against you to fuel their own entertainment. dont expose too much about yourself and they wont get to you either. i need to stop opening up to people. such a fucking simple theory and i always have to learn it the hard way. well done.

and if it's cause i portray myself as someone who has high self esteem, well you've got it all wrong cause everytime i look into the mirror, my imperfections become ever so clear and sometimes, i wish i didnt even exist in this world.

when i get into university in 3 month's time, i will make sure i get this right. i swear.

and i feel so loser blogging about this, but if i dont let it out, i know i am going to turn into one of those serial killers in Criminal Minds.

2010-04-25T22:37:00.004+08:00

i ran out of Criminal Minds DVDs to watch cause i didnt dare to step out of my house today:( i hate that crazy man who always chase me around the neighbour. given that opposites attract, i understand why i am attracting crazy and weird looking people, but it's getting really frustrating. i want my life back, damnit. as a result, i slept the whole day away and i am dead awake now. and being dead awake with no Criminal Minds is a pure torture. (inserts a crying emoticon)

given that it wasnt a human error or system breakdown, i have received the news that i have been waiting for all this while. however, being a Wei Ting, i will not celebrate unless i receive the official notification via my mailbox. but, part of me cannot contain my excitement, and yes i am very happy. (inserts a hysterical emoticon)

KOO WAN NING AND I ARE GOING TO HONG KONG THIS JULY. OMG.
for 5 whole days, i am going to shop like a millionaire's daughter and no one can stop me. sometimes, i wish that one day my mum would come clean with me and admit that we are actually millionaires living in a HBD flat and actually we have 10 houses all over Singapore. hahahaha, joke. heard that the ZARA in Hongkong is HUGE. yes, ZARA makes me happy. i swear i am going to stop spending money in Singapore for the next 3 months! and i managed to book the hotel i wanted to stay in(: yipeeeeeeee! (inserts a happy emoticon)

dongying, xiaowei and zhanyi sing so well, it makes me jealous! kbox for $8 on a Wednesday is omg, dirt cheap! you can experience their 'oh-so-awesome' voice on my fb profile page:D yes, it's AWESOME ttm:D i am so envious. (insert a envious emoticon)

there's work tomorrow. shitzxzxzx. i really want to quit but without a job, my source of income will face the same fate as the dodo birds and that's a no-no. it's really boring and frustrating. i dont know, maybe too much of everything is unhealthy. so i was glad that i got a day off on Friday(: interview went alright, shall just wait for the outcome. went kbox with Koo Wan Ning after that! we sang only S.H.E's songs! hahahahaha, i think it's the post S.H.E concert symptoms! i found their old music videos quite unappealing! it's really funny, things which you found cool 5 years ago, can look super cheesy 5 years later. but it's true, looking back at my Secondary school photos now, i secretly wish they dont exist. 'hello, who's that freak in the photo?' 'oh right, that's me! shit!' then hyy sleptover on Friday! i felt mean cause i forced her to watch Criminal Minds with me:D and she said: ' i came to your house just to watch Criminal Minds.' oops. sorry friend! i think hyy is a SPG, her eyebrows defies gravity whenever she spots a Caucasian. HAHAHAH, i find it so amusing.

shopping trip with kohjiatian and hyy on Saturday was painful because i had to control my urge to buy so many things. xyz luh. and i am proud to announce that i only spend $40! yay me! next Saturday, i am going to do something constructive and stay away from something called a shopping centre! hah!

oh! birthday surprise for Wan Ning was a success. we hid in her room and shouted: 'SURPRISE' when she walked in! we are cool friendxzxzxzx lorzxzxzxzx. say yay to LLBBBDD(: because everyone is complaining, we shall celebrate everyone's birthday this year, next year and many many years later! alright! i love planning and celebrating birthdays for close friends! it gives me this warm, fuzzy feeling of happiness when you see your friends surprised and touched.

HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY KOO WAN NING!

WE LURBEXZXZXZ EUUUUU WORXZXZXZXZ.

it's funny though, i never felt that way for two whole years and yet, now i am planning so many birthday surprises. maybe, it was all a matter of obligations. dont look at me like i have just said something awful, because i knew, you knew, all of us knew.

CHICAGO ON TUESDAY! excited:D hello lyana, are you excited too? i bet you areeeeeeeee!
i just found Criminal Minds online, happy is me:DDDDD

goodnight kids!

PS; and yes, you are so yesterday! next please(:

2010-04-20T23:41:00.005+08:00

i found this awesome online shop and blew 70 bucks just like that. quote my mum: 'you earn only 900 dollars per month but you spend like you earn 9000 dollars per month'. money, can i have you as wallpaper in my room? then when i need you, i can just gently rip you of the wall? sounds good to me!

sometimes, i really get irritated, even to the extent of being really angry, but i know i cant blow my top cause if i do, things will get really awkward and that's not how i want things to end. sometimes, i really wish they would stop it and we can have serious conversations like grown ups. damnit.

okay, i'm not disappointed at all, just a little shock afterall i am okay with doing any of the two courses. yes, beggars cant be choosers, we just take whatever that's given to us. and screw it, it's not even given to me yet. :( i hate this feeling of uncertainty! maybe someone has been hijacking my letterbox! ah ha!

the friendly man didnt call me today. dang! hope he calls tomorrow, so i can give me my confirmation! actually, i do have his number but his name is really weird and i dont know how to pronounce it. hahahahah. i hate awkward moments over the phone, so i shall just wait for him to call me.

i dislike work. i honestly am puzzled over why i used to like it so much 2 months ago:( i cant wait for it to end.
anyway, goodnight!
cant wait for tomorrow, kbox; here i come:D

you never seem to go away and it's funny, really(:

btw, i love this song so much(:

太慌张的拥抱我们只有一秒
世界崩溃成一座孤岛
这里没有人也没有时间不用思考
再没有后路可找也许就能天荒地老
明天的诺言交给明天去实现
这爱的誓言哪怕痛苦多过甜
下雨了两个人的荒岛
淋湿了就知道谁会比谁更胆小
我梦见了两个人的荒岛你要不要
Baby 跟我逃然后永远从地图上擦掉
太慌张的拥抱
我们只剩一秒世界崩溃成一座孤岛
这里没有人也没有时间不用思考
再没有后路可找也许就能天荒地老
明天的诺言交给明天去实现
这爱的誓言哪怕痛苦多过甜
下雨了两个人的荒岛
淋湿了就知道谁会比谁更胆小
我梦见了两个人的荒岛你要不要
Baby 跟我逃然后永远从地图上擦掉＊
一起看
天亮了
除了爱以外我什么都不要 (:

2010-04-19T21:33:00.004+08:00

finally, after 7 years of hestitation and waiting, i submit my registration today at work. i didnt want to do it at home cause i know my mum will change my mind by telling me how time and financial consuming it was going to be. didnt really think much of it, since they said they will contact me and i thought it would probably take ages cause lessons dont start that often. so i pretty much got a shock of my life, when they called me just now. and wow, that dude has got to be the friendliest person i have every spoken to over the phone. he was so well mannered and detailed, i almost wanted to start a conversation with him, like ask him how's life and such. HAHAHAHAHAH, joke. okay, i guess my mind is set so it's just a matter of whether i should drop korean lessons or not, which i dont want to cause i want to master korean too:( this is so frustrating and yet, exciting at the same time:S ohwell, at least i managed to persuade my mum about it((: money, why cant you just grow on trees? money, i need you.

i have really bad muscle ache now:( but jazz class was :D. i like that idea that i am actually working my body after sitting infront of the computer for 9 hours straight. in fact, i feel strrrrreeeeetttttttccccccccchhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeddddddd, in a healthy way of course. and because of jazz class, i have decided to embarke on project 'i want chocolate abs ftw worzxzxzxzxzxz'. yes, i, Michelle Goh Wei Ting, will do conditioning everyday till i get those chocolate abs. okay, maybe chocolate abs is a little too manly, how about 'flat tyres'? sounds good to meeeeeeee:D

allow me to tell you the story of how funny hyy can get, 'sometimes'. i was taking an afternoon nap yesterday when my phone suddenly rang. grumpy as ever, i picked up the phone only to hear: 'omg, Wei Ting! does the ATM machine accept 50cents? am i suppose to put 50cents into that hole that just opened? unable to understand what she is talking about, i went: 'huh, what hole?' then i realised she was talking about the hole at the deposit machine. 'why do you want deposit 50cents for?' 'i want to pay the online shop $81.50, but i dont know how to pay the 50cents, can i put it into the hole?' then it dawned on me that she doesnt know about the existence of fund transfer via ATM and she is obviously using the wrong machine. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. OMG, i think it's so funny luh. if i wasnt that sleepy, i swear i would have laughed till i cried. OMG, funny funny.

oh! then i had this super duper funny dream about Sheman on Friday night. Sheman was fat and weird in my dream and he was wearing this super tight white shirt. AND, the funniest thing was that he proclaimed his undying love for me in my dream and he kept following me eveywhere i went. LIKE WHAT THE HELL. that was the most disgusting thing ever, but yet it was so funny just think about it. LIKE WHUT? when i told the rest about it, they said it was his misfortune! excuse me, it's more like mine luh! fat, ugly and weird leh, that's like the opposite of tall, dark and handsome luh! i think it was more like a nightmare. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH! sorry, i find it so funny, i cant stop laughing everytime i think about it. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. OMG. funny. i cant even imagine Sheman looking fat luh.

oh, i think this conversation is epic. quoted from Garcia from Criminal Minds: 'sometimes, i amaze myself' HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, okay shut up Wei Ting. Cheong Por Yee, if you are reading this, I OWN BIG TIME:D

S.H.E concert was :DD, but i was distracted throughout the entire concert:( why? cause it kinda got me thinking about some stuff that i have been running away from since January. oh! on our way to the Singapore Indoor Stadium, a security came up to us and asked us: 'S.H.E?' and we said 'YA.' okay, of course he was asking us if we were going to S.H.E's concert but at that moment, it seem as if he thought we were S.H.E and we happily answered, 'Yes, we are(:.' okay, not very funny. moving on!

I MISS ODAC DAYS:(
i miss doing outdoor-y stuf like kayaking, camping and belaying, but definitely not running though. i miss slacking in the ODAC room after school. i miss staying late for meetings. i miss mirror sessions. i miss physical training to a small extent, but i still miss it nonetheless. i miss Ubin. i miss writing in the loggy. i miss Sikkim. i miss Chamah. most importantly, i miss doing things as a batch.

and it's frustrating but i am not going to elaborate further though.

i tried, very hard. i really did, but if things cant go back to the way they used to be, it's no longer my fault right? i really tried and, yet i am-

Reid, Spencer Reid, here i come:D

AND DEAR BELOVED 'NOT-SO-NICE' COLLEAGUES OF MINE,
I DONT OGLE AT GIRLS DURING WORK. I JUST LOOK AT THEM AS A FORM OF INSPIRATION, ALRIGHT?! I WANT TO BE LIKE THEM, OKAY? YAY, CASE CLOSED(: I STILL PREFER THE OPPOSITE GENDER, PERIOD.

2010-04-19T02:14:00.002+08:00

i dont know what i am living for.

no, it isnt in the suicidal way, like i want to kill myself kinda way. i meant it in the 'oh shit, i dont know what i am going to do with my life' kinda way. none of the courses i have chosen are things that i am actually interested in, they were just 'social norm' if that's what you want to call it. i have this dream that i abandoned a while ago that keeps coming back to haunt me everytime i tell myself that i have made a good choice forsaking it. i have this wild ambition that isnt viable in Singapore. my interests are a tab too expensive to fund with my pathetic pay given that i am learning so many things now. so what am i living for? hmmmm, good question.

2010-04-17T00:55:00.003+08:00

it's as if i got the message loud and clear. maybe, this is the way things should be. maybe, i wasnt even suppose to be there in the first place, which is very much true. maybe all i needed was just to walk away and now, i know what it feels like. i have nothing to lose, while you had everything at stake, and that's enough to know what the conclusion should be. so you stay where you are suppose to be, while i do my part and end this mess for everyone. (insert smiley face)

today, Sze Wai and i met a crazy man while going to lunch. he came up to her and ask her for a change of a dollar when he was just holding 50c. so we kindly rejected him and said we dont have any money. then suddenly, out of nowhere, he attempted to stuff this tissue which he was holding into Sze Wai's pocket. yes, freak of nature, indeed. he walked away and i thought that was the end, but when i turned around and looked at him, his pants was half down his butt and i could see his butt crack CLEARLY. it wasnt a small dent, it was OMG 'detailed' and boy, did i wish i didnt turn back to 'check him out', literally. and when i told the guys about it, instead of being a knight in shining amour, coming to our rescue (though none of them qualify), they blamed me and my ability to attract crazy people, which is very much true but still they could have done something! and they next thing i know, they were happily crossing the road. yes, how charming right?

EH, Sheman and i had a crazy dinner at Suki Yaki because we had nothing to do till 9.10pm. yes, i wanted to try it badly. okay, the dinner costed a bomb, but if you look at it from a millionaire's perspective, it's kinda worth it given the variety of food available. i think i have a talent in cooking (if you guys are reading this, dont puke) cause i did a marvellous job at cooking fried rice, which looked disgusting at first but tasted brillant in the end. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. right? according to my observation, the safest way to eat bbq food is to eat them when they are burnt because this means that they are totally cooked! yes, i should be Chef WeiTing. playing Cooking Mama does help!

Shutter Island was erm, a tab too intelligent for me. i was too sleepy to focus. and it doesnt really have an ending, kinda like the ending was up for us to decide. dang! hmmm, it's really confusing and didnt satisfy my need for an entertaining movie:( anyway, the teaser for Mao's Last Dancer looks, wow! i want to watch it!!!

MAY ALL THE CRAZY PEOPLE IN THE WORLD STAY AWAY FROM ME.
goodnight.